the shoe theory
POSTED AT 06:44 PM

cruboy

"to each foot its own shoe." - mede montaigne

i guess there have been theories about shoes... shoe sizes in particular... im not quite sure what it was about or how it actually works but i have one particular that is based on my personal experience...

i find it rather weird that every morning when i use the length of commonwealth avenue going to work in the morning i find a shoe on the road... old and beaten up, new and clean, sporty, formal, out door type... with or with out socks... and i find one too often that i made me develop a theory... that i, no matter what day, going through that short part of the avenue and looking hard enough, will find a shoe in the middle of the road or near the curb. it has yet to be proven wrong...

it normally helps if i actively look, but it sometimes happen by accident as well... and time and again it has always made me smile... so no matter how serious and deep in thoughts i am, i would just beam... and chuckle within... in fact i have begun to start to believe that the day would turn out great if i happen to see a shoe on the road. and i thought maybe i could wish for something just like what we do with the first brightest star we see or with a falling star at night... so if you want to make a wish in the morning... go look for a shoe on the road.

"in these times you have to be an optimist to open your eyes in the morning." - csandburg

i guess it is natural to be pinning hopes and aspiration on something out of the ordinary and even bordering on the absurd. people in general are optimist... (and i don’t think anybody can actually argue this point... because if there were pessimist people... like the hardcore pessimist type... they would have been too miserable and would have killed themselves eventually... i always thought that it is not misery but absolute hopelessness that leads to suicide... anyway i digress) we in general endure, survive, adapt and are determined to live... this is because we believe that there will always be something good in the end.

besides i think it is just funny to think that somewhere in the stretches of commonwealth avenue there is somebody hopping on one leg desperately looking for his other shoe.

Reading: new moon by stephenie meyer
Listening to: gnarls barkley - crazy
Watching: skins season 2
Feeling: groggy

the unhappy feet
POSTED AT 10:25 PM

cruboy

i always knew i was never born a dancer. i am inflexible and my feet and hand coordination is not wired properly... but i like dancing... its just that dancing never liked me back.  i remember in college where i had to enrol on social dancing for the soul purpose of meeting girls back then... male in social dancing is a prime commodity... the male female ratio is so imbalance girls would have to take turn to dance with you...  now if that only happens in high school dances, i would have busted my groove.  but of course that was physical education.

"if you dance, you dance because you have to." - kdunham

my exploit of this renewed passion into making myself a dancing de marco was heightened when i had to join this college swing dancing event... all because of a girl, with a dancing partner as good looking as she was... i was ready to transplant one of my two left feet for a proper right... i practiced with her solemnly for three straight weeks... i have transformed myself into a travolta of swing and jive... until i had food poisoning two days before the competition... looking back at it, it might have probably been the nerves... anyway one of girls came down with something, so my partner was able to dance that night... i had my chance i guess but i blew it. sigh.

of course i cannot be denied of this college experience of dancing like a fool in front of an audience, so my last chance was the junior christmas party... i joined a street dancing group to perform... with the fugees in the background i manage to decently end probably the most complex choreography i have ever learned... thanks to tubay, linzi and yannie's dancing expertise... and it has since been a one-time thing. 

i suppose my happy feet are not that as happy as it used to... i guess all the weight i have gained since have dampened my limberness.  but i still try to occasionally shuffle my feet.  there is freedom in being able to move because you can... in rhythm, in count, in perfect instance... i always thought that dancing isthe best way to express happiness... i find it weird to break into a song because you are happy... and the 
deep breathing and the panting after a hearty dance is a strong reminder of being alive... because you can feel your breathe going in and out...

i have been a frustrated with a lot of things... i guess dancing is one of them too... maybe given a chance... or in dire mortal danger... i might still be able to dance to save my life... or die trying.

"no sane man will dance." - lbyron

...to save his life that is.

Reading: new moon by stephenie meyer
Listening to: the gossip - standing in the way of control
Watching: skins season 2
Feeling: bouncy

thoughts to be
POSTED AT 08:32 PM

cruboy

"stung by the splendour of a sudden thought." - rbrowning

i honestly did wish that i would never have problem with money... its not that i have a problem right now... its just sometimes i wish i just never will have to worry about it.  i imagined it would be great to live in excess... splendour galore... i would love to host parties for my friends for the most absurd reasons, give expensive gifts because i could and jet set to any place around the world to avoid bad weather. but i suppose everybody have the same idea of spending excess wealth... or maybe not... i ought to be charitable to others.

maybe i am fortunate that i am not born wealthy or my family not having a legacy... that or maybe the world is fortunate that i am not so... i guess it is good how the way things are... but should i settle for this... i really should not... would absolute wealth corrupt absolutely as absolute power do?  i think i am centered well enough, i have some certain amount of conviction and compassion.  or maybe not... i ought to be trustful of myself.

sometimes i wish i knew the future sometimes, maybe just to see the glimpse of what lies ahead... like if there is some meaning to all the work i have been putting in to... i wish i could see a huge bottom figure, but i guess that wont happen, i hope not ever. i have been diligently saving up for the rainy days maybe too much to last me a noah's deluge... then again maybe not... i don’t want to tease fate.  i am wired to be a spend thrift... i suppose i can't enjoy the money i earn too much... it sounds silly but i hate that it might be true. then again, i guess i will never know until i do so... should i start now?  i ought to be courageous and take chances.

work have been overwhelming lately... i find a little break as much as i could in between and take advantage of it... down time, relaxation, recreation and rest... i find it all fleeting lately.  i wish work was fleeting... but then maybe work would be more sought after if it were the other way around... i would not want that. i ought to take time off like i mean to.

"i have no riches but my thoughts. yet these are wealth enough for me." -steasdale

Reading: twilight by stephanie meyer
Listening to: the umbrellas of shibuya - the pearlfishers
Watching: gossip girl season 2
Feeling: acidic

when it rains
POSTED AT 03:45 PM

cruboy

this should have been posted last week, but a lot of things have happened... anyway last week was probably 
the most wet for the year, i don’t think i can recall any other week that have been slushy and damp. 

...everything gets wet.  another office friend of mine used our company umbrella give away lunch break, i suppose to do some errands in another building nearby... anyway, he came back in the office soaking wet with what used to be the office umbrella... it was nothing more than a mangled metal frame and wet fabric... limp and wet and looking pathetic.  the office umbrella was a golf umbrella, the big sturdy kind... but i guess the wind outside was that ferocious. i hope umbrellas are the only casualties this evening.

...i get swamped. well so much for the short work break i have been enjoying... looks like some of my oh so huge projects that have lain dormant for almost a year now have decided to wake up and bite me in the ass... i think i will have to be super human again... demi god of herculaneum task... i thought i'd passed it down already, but i guess it is a permanent responsibility of sorts.  sigh. oh, well at least it is something to look forward to... doing something big again... feeling important... significant... and everything else related to existentialisms. i suppose i should get ready before the work gets all the way up to my neck, i don't mind the flood of work, it's the swimming part to get ahead is the one i don’t like specially when it's up stream... i just hope it's the kind of work flood i can float over and ride the current.  i really do hope so.

...things get gloomy.  an office friend of mine found out her uncle got shot and her grandmother had a heart attack today... she was so grief stricken she was crying and sobbing on her work station... she was beyond consolation.  i guess the compounded grief of hearing this news after going through another uncle's funeral a few weeks back and an aunt who had a mild stroke is just too much to bear.  i could only stand silently, watching her as some of my concerned office mate was trying to console her.  i feel sad in some way... and the gloomy sky wasn't helping and the rain just pouring like her tears.  i hope she's fine... i know she will be.

Reading: nothing
Listening to: apologize - one republic
Watching: ellen degeneres stand ups
Feeling: cynical

lost and finding
POSTED AT 07:12 PM

cruboy

"praising what is lost makes the remembrance dear." -wshakespeare

there is this old early 90's tv show... eerie indiana, it was like twilight zone meets wonder years or something, anyway it was about these two brothers who happen to get into trouble retrieving these trinkets or whatever from a shop that happens to be cursed or something... anyway that was what i remember of it, but the one particular episode was when they stumbled upon this twilight zone like place where everything that everyone lost was there...

everything that everyone lost was there... would have been fantastic to be able to actually visit the place... i have lost a lot of things already and it would be great to get them back... that lego piece i lost which was one of the pair that made the design cool, my college id (well, actually dinti was the one who lost it), or my old high school wallet with my mother's grad pic, or i don't know... maybe my innocence, first love or whatever else i have lost along the way.  it would be good to get them back. 

it is kind of hard for me to understand the concept of losing whatever... i mean the rationale behind it or something... ok, maybe its good to lose a bad habit now and again, but that which makes you happy or well gone... how can you actually become comeplete if you are destined to lose something.  how could i be who i am, if i have lost something along the way... wouldn't it be less of me in a way... it's like defining me with something that is not there anymore.  anyway, i think i'm being stupid here... i suppose death as a concept is much easier to accept than something that just vanished out of existence.

i guess it can not be denied that we are defined by not just what we have but what we had... what we are and what we are not anymore... reflecting about it, my life would not have been the same if somethings did not get lost along the way... it is somehow destined... and natural. i suppose it is life's way of telling us how important somethings are... when we lose them and miss them now and then...  and of course there is that hope... that sublime determination somewhere in our mind or heart that someday somehow we will find what was lost again...

and maybe hold on to them a little longer than before.

"things that are not at all, are never lost." - cmarlowe

Reading: no time to read
Listening to: stop and stare - one republic
Watching: avater: the legend of aang book 3
Feeling: bouncy