Entries for February, 2005
February 1st, 2005
territorial pissing and trading places POSTED AT 11:59 PM it seems that transfering workstation isnt fun after all... that is if you have so many junk to haul across while so many other pressing things to do are getting piled up on your desk. well that was what i have been doing since after lunch until way pass work time. i never realized i had so many junk-- er-- files to sort and organize... not to mention trash to throw away. i did found something interesting though... i never thought that one of my college mate who i used to work with left me an envelope... full of blackmail pictures way back in college... haha... nothing kinky though... just some pics of slepping classmates back in college where overnight group work were a necessary activity for survival. (insert evil grin) something to put up in our batch yahoo group, hehe. "wanderers in that happy valley, through two luminous windows, saw spirits moving musically, to a lute's well-tuned law" - eapoe i think i'll be ok in the new place. i have to admit i am rather territorial and particular in demarking my own space. i'd like to think im organized but sometimes i do tend to get messy, but thats because so that i would have something to organize eventually. i do get irritated when somebody else sits on my chair and work on my desk while im out... grrr. the only thing i dont like in the transfer situation is the fact that id leave the aquarium i share with rose... who's gonna feed the fishes? qui est gonna nourrit les poissons? 
Reading: legend of the jade phoenix Listening to: breakfast at tiffany - the doors 4 thought(s) that matters...
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February 4th, 2005
a flash of charity POSTED AT 06:37 PM i have a list of people who are considered my favorite people. these people are fortunate of sort, for i sworn that i will extend my full support in any form whats so ever the best i can give to whatever cause or problem they have. it is my way of exercising this hero complex i think i have. i havent told anyone about it except for one... sadly, enough that resulted into some sort of rift. in a way my generosity was abused. heck i shouldn't be mentioning the list in the first place... but i have to share the idea atleast anyway. the list idea started off with diwa who was an officemate of mine, who got the idea on oprah and the movie pay it forward... anyway, she made it a point she'd give me breakfast for the whole week, just an act of goodwill. it moved me and i had to do something to make up for the kindness... thus the list was born. i like the idea anyway cause i'd like to think that i am in somebody's favorite list as well. ... must go around. Reading: legend of the jade phoenix Listening to: when i come around - green day |
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February 9th, 2005
upgrades and stepping up POSTED AT 02:09 PM kung hei fat choi i remember my resolutions for this year and i guess i havent really made any head way... i guess my attention has been re-directed towards work lately, which im not really complaining much... funny story, my boss told me we have a meeting thurday 1030, i said sure, i misheard and it was suppose to be wednesday... anyway to cut the story short i was late as usual... he was suppose to meet me and tell me that i finally got the raise i have been waiting for... and im rather surprised at the jump... my performance will be evaluated and by april i could be director... huff... too much to swallow... i think i'll just try and do well for now. anyway he scold me never to forget meetings... yeah, my bad. no excuse for that... with power comes great responsibilities... im having self doubt on how i would step up to this new challenge ahead... i have always been low profile, and worry about matters that involves project i handle... i guess everybody has to upgrade somehow. i should remind myself that i was born for this... i am a builder. je suis constructeur. |
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February 13th, 2005
swallowed POSTED AT 09:16 AM great, i even missed the lovapalooza this year... i got ditched for a concert... what? well thats what i get for not being in touch lately... argh... can never have the best of two worlds. i have this funny feeling this might end up in a dead end as well. work seems to have swallowed me whole... not to mention all these side works knocking on my door... talk about funny timing... its like some sort of cosmic practical joke played on me... or some kind of test. but i think im over the hump of sort... hopefull things will settle back down this week. Reading: legend of the jade pheonix Listening to: swallowed - bush Watching: naruto |
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February 14th, 2005
meanings and motions POSTED AT 06:27 PM music that i like, those that have meaning for me and those that have moved me in some way... you sing, and your voice peels the husk of the day's grain, your song with the sun and sky, the pine trees speak with their green tongue: all the birds of the winter whistle. -p neruda one can never fail to find truth in music... i've tried writing songs before... (before i got this crazy idea that i thought i was a song writer) and i believe that i was never been more honest with what i say in the songs i've written. i guess that's the reason that lead me to the conclusion. music that moves us are the those that we find most truthful, because we are able to relate to the experience the lyrics expresses. one can never fail to find emotion in music... its amazing how we can describe music according to emotions... like happy songs... sad songs... and angry songs... i have my list of those happy songs and sad songs and angry songs as well. i have this theory that our soul sings the songs of how we feel... and maybe thats the reason why we listen to music that is closest to what we feel. like wallowing on sad song when you're broken hearted... or like dance and sing out loud when you're happy. music is true emotions... i like to share music... i love to share my music on valetines day. Reading: legend of the jade phoenix Listening to: angels or demons - dishwalla |
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February 15th, 2005
working the right distance POSTED AT 08:10 PM just when we think we are safe. i pray for those who are injured and the souls departed. it seems that this week is like the calm before the storm... some sort of respite with work. i should really take advantage of this oppurtunity to get my own life realigned and organized... and of course to get back at some friends i did miss recently. don't go far off, not even for a day, because -- because -- I don't know how to say it: a day is long and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep. - p neruda the nearness of... sigh i guess its difficult to start a relationship if there is really some sort of distance in between... i admittedly fall more easily to people who are near me or those i see rather regularly... i do tend to find certain idiosyncracy cute... the appeal of the familiar of sort, but then ofcourse that kind of scenario would fall under barkada love or office relationship... both of which are rather viewed as taboo or weird. im trying to get that right distance worked. near enough but not that close... or is it close but not near enough. this is probably why im terrible at blind dates as well. it takes a while for me to really connect... i find it hard to start conversation with girls who i dont have any clue about... and that becomes trouble when the girl dont see that problem and remains quiet as well and dismiss you as dull afterwards. and then its also rather difficult as well if the girl starts talking about herself and then you start thinking probably they arent interested at you at all and rather talk about everything else than ask anything about you. the nearness of... sniff the last relationship i had ended because of distance, perhaps thats the reason why im rather conscious about nearness... i guess i have to be creative with that regards. being near that is. 
Reading: legend of the jade phoenix Listening to: edge of the ocean - ivy |
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February 16th, 2005
learning old tricks POSTED AT 08:28 PM where sweet aromas rose and trembled, and sometimes a bird, wearing water and slowness, its winter feathers. - p neruda cant teach old dog new tricks... well, it seems that i might not be able to take up a masteral course this year... huff... i really wont have time to study and work specially when i would have to shoulder my own post graduate matriculation... not to mention the sacrifice im not willing to take... cutting down on gimik time... or whatever time i am currently wasting. darn, im becoming comfortable being a slacker... i have this idea for a research paper im trying to develop... it would sure look good as a book... well dream on... anyway im not sure if its for public consumption anyway. since there seems to be some slow down in activity this week, i was able to join my usual buddies for a lunch out, the usual long, boisterous and fun lunch out. you never run out of things to learn with friends around... the whole afternoon i've been studying this new presentation program... a new 3D modeling tool specially for architects. looks like i've got the hang of it. i am rather proud of myself for being a fast learner... old dog learns new things by itself... but of course there are still somethings i just can never figure out, some mistakes i just keep commiting, some personal flaw i can never correct and some habits i can never change. i guess there are somethings we can just never learn at all. one can be a genius in physics and mathematics and still be clueless with love or life... sometimes its because of choice and sometimes its just so... i wonder which is more tragic. genius versus hardwork... nothing may beat inborn qualities but of course practice makes perfect as well. i think hard working people are geniuses as well... they know the value of their time, the limits of their skills and the determination to see things through. i said to myself before i should never cease to learn... to use knowledge to make things better and that i should be eager to teach others... Reading: legend of the jade phoenix Listening to: i, grover - grover |
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February 17th, 2005
landing sequence T minus 10... POSTED AT 05:30 PM well its been awhile since it has come back to the regular thursday schedule... good thing we are still playing... i think its a good indication that everyone is still healthy... sure some may be hurting... but atleast everyone is healthy. im hurting as well... i never did complain much after a game except when i get hit or get sprained or get cramps... but after last weeks game, my right knee did hurt after... damn... might need one of those knee braces... eight years and counting, eight years of weekly ball game... wow, for the love of the game... i remember one time when there was a typhoon signal number 3... funny how we mopped the courts floor to dry it enough for us to play... or when this power failure happened and we parked all the cars around with headlights blazing... or when the court was closed and we had to go around the city for another available court... thursday basketball has transcended from a mere game night, it has become an institution... man, we even have a yahoo group... geesh. some players have gone, but there always seems to be fresh legs joining in... im going to keep playing until my knees quit on me. Reading: legend of the jade phoenix Listening to: slam dunk da funk - five |
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February 18th, 2005
the voices of clouds POSTED AT 05:58 PM the clouds hath spoken to me, i look up and i saw the sun smile. it hath been a good day. hey cloudy, nice talking to you. you did get me by surprise... but it was great to hear you... you certainly made my day. it's friday... friday people unite! well looks like its going to be one helluva a weekend coming up... or maybe not... anyway im excited over sunday, dont know why... why am i thinking about sunday already... there is still tonight and saturday to plan. it amazing how my spirit today is so energized or something... and yet my body feels tired because of last night's game... which was great, well better than last week... still trying to get back my usual range though. my mind is so awake, but i can feel the soreness of my body... if i didnt feel tired i could probably do anything... Reading: legend of the jade phoenix Listening to: go let it out - oasis |
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February 19th, 2005
being a narutard POSTED AT 01:50 PM it's been awhile since i've been crazy for an anime... like i did before with samurai x...  Which Naruto Character are You? Reading: legend of the jade phoenix Listening to: asian kung fu generation - haruka kanata Watching: naruto |
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February 21st, 2005
ambivalue me... POSTED AT 07:38 PM the weekend went by like a breeze, well i guess its always like that when you're enjoying or when you slept through the day... i think i did both. the sea dabbles at those tanned feet, repeating their shape, just imprinted in the sand. And now she is the womanly fire of a rose, the only bubble the sun and the sea contend against. - pneruda looks like there is an out of town trip being planned by the thursday boys for the weekend... i think i should get any vacation that pops up... vacations do rarely come by now-a-days. i dont know but i dont feel that excited about it... huff. ambivalent me. well it seems that i have been having mixed emotions on everything lately... i cant seem to synchronize my enthusiasm and actions... i cant seem to figure out what i want or why... i hate this situation of indecision... being too cautious perhaps... ...perhaps. Reading: guerilla dating tactics - sharyn wolf Listening to: big yellow taxi - counting crows |
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February 22nd, 2005
doubt, chance and fortune POSTED AT 09:07 PM in the night we shall go in, we shall go in to steal a flowering, flowering branch. we shall climb over the wall in the darkness of the alien garden, two shadows in the shadow. -pneruda when in doubt... do. well sometimes there are some actions that have to be taken immediately that any moments of thought about consequences shouldnt be entertained. i should be fearless in doing decisions... specially on those that would change my life completely if i dont take a chance, i dont stand a chance. sometimes thinking about the possible consequences of our action becomes the foremost reason of inaction. i should be more appreciative of myself for taking the chance rather than sulking on the idea that i have failed. i tried but i will do better... that should be the dictum i must live by. fortune favors the brave... as i have realized before, life is just a chain of choices and compromises... it seems that there shouldnt really be anytime for being undecided... that would be like life in suspended animation... which is rather confusing really, rather it isn't the right analogy... cause all the while we are undecided life goes on as usual anyway. life waits for nobody. i should try on being decisive, specially if i know what i want. vorrei innamorarsi. if love can be decided by the toss of a coin, why i'd call hearts of course. Reading: guerilla dating tactics - sharyn wolf Listening to: love thy will be done - martika |
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February 23rd, 2005
of love and war POSTED AT 11:38 PM we are the clumsy passersby, we push past each other with elbows, with feet, with trousers, with suitcases, we get off the train, the jet plane, the ship, we step down in our wrinkled suits and sinister hats. - pneruda all's fair in love and war. i never did understand the meaning of the proverb, until of course someone broke my heart back then. simply put, the rules of fair play do not apply in love and war. sadly it is true, anyone will do anything even beyond reason to win love or war. i am intrigue however why such apply to love and war and not just one or the other. perhaps love and war are similar in some ways, but it is rather late in the evening and i cant seem to think of any connection or reason why the two are similar. i will try my best... love is essential for one's being, war is essential for the estate's being. such importance merit drastic actions, so i guess one is willing to die for love just as much as a soldier is willing to die for the flag. i guess that would be good enough for now. all warfare is based on deception. sun tzu sure knows alot about strategy and tactics. feign strength, boast weakness, show disorder... all this deception to make sure your opponent's moves will be predicatable... making them take actions on your term without them knowing it. in some ways or the other, winning love is also based on deception... a guy puts his best foot forward to win the girl... the girl on the otherhand tries to see through the bluff of the guy. hmm.. no wonder honesty is such a lonely word. the end justifies the means. so i guess anyone will do all sorts of tricks to win the war... and any guy will go all out to win her love. but who is to tell the merit of the action when the idea is to win at all cost. i guess dabs was right when he said; "the good guys never get the girls." i have to admit that i am guilty as well... i havent played fair... i have used deception... and for that i am ashame, but i can never be ashame for loving. Reading: sun tzu the art of war - samuel griffith Listening to: two beds and a coffee machine -savage garden |
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February 25th, 2005
so much about sleeping POSTED AT 05:59 PM had a hard time getting out of the bed this morning (or was it noon)... my body was aching all over... last night's ball game was intense... not to mention the shindig i went to afterwards... it's a good thing there is no workday for almost everybody, i get to take a leave... need to replenish strength... but this is the kind of tired body i like... that which can probably be soothed by massage... hmmm... anyway, i was bugging rose this morning, i couldnt get up and the only thing near was my phone... and she was unlucky enough to be the last one who sent me a message that i had to reply to... apparently we were both in bed still... so i had to interogate for some sleeping habits... just got enough information i'd say... in the night we shall go in up to its trembling firmament, and your hands, your little hands and mine will steal the stars. - pneruda as for me... i have three pillows and a blanket, i sleep on my right side usually... and i do tend to snore when really tired or when i dont have a pillow on my head... just a low purring sound... well that is what most of my friends told me anyway who happened to had overnights with me... no sleep talking or sleepwalking for me... i sleep in boxer shorts and a really old shirt or sando. i have slept naked twice or more... and once forgetting to lock the door. i can sleep with either lights on or off... im really dead to the world when im a sleep. i think that was a load of info... im sure i would probably regret writing about this sometime... but we are most honest when we are asleep, so i think sleeping should say alot.
Reading: html for the world wide web Listening to: sleep all day - jason mraz |
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