Entries for March, 2005
March 1st, 2005
fate deciding POSTED AT 04:11 PM i guess when you are undecided, fate will decide for you. my being ambivalent over the week last week has been rendered moot on saturdays cancelation of the trip... not my fault really... just some uncoordinated decisions... i was packing my stuff... good thing i wasnt all too excited to leave early... you really can not put anything on hold when being undecided... events will just keep happening and next thing you know, there is only one obvious choice to make, and most of the time, it isnt the one you want to make... and you would brood over the fact that you should have made the choice earlier. i remember one time i was thinking of buying something unimportant that time after seeing it available in the mall, but i put off, thinking it will be there anyway when i need it. a few days past determined to buy the item... it wasnt there anymore... hmm... so much for having free will... you cant even have a choice of when to decide. fate will decide for the undecided. il destino deciderà per l'indeciso. saturday... had a nice chat session with cloudy til the wee morning of sunday... can never have enough of friends. i couldnt use my computer yesterday at home, a cousin of mine was hogging the computer all night playing, i have created a monster... huff. Listening to: calling all angels - train 2 thought(s) that matters...
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March 2nd, 2005
the journeyman POSTED AT 08:07 PM its not the destination but the journey... non il suo la destinazione ma il viaggio... i guess the reason why they say it is the journey cause in life the destination is always uncertain... life doesnt really have a destination... well, maybe there is, but who is in a hurry anyway... i should try and enjoy this journey through as much as i can... there isnt seem to be any return trip so there are no going back or enjoy the view later... any companion is welcome, everybody needs the company... those who will gladly share your load, or point you to the right direction, or light your way in the dark, or protect you when you're in trouble, or to lift or drag you when you have stopped dead on your tracks when all reasons to continue forward are forgotten. we've gone far my friends, and more road ahead... but we'll keep on walking still. ma terremo su camminare tuttavia. 
Listening to: a little bit - mymp |
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March 4th, 2005
faith deviations POSTED AT 02:17 PM i have to admit that i haven't been the best role model for being a catholic... nine years away from catholic schooling, somehow is a release from the black and white point of view... i am now slowly realizing the importance of compromise and tolerance, and of appreciating the importance of gray area... i cant say i have remained good, but i dont think i have been bad as well... i have come to have more faith in the goodness of man... this doctrine of self faith revolves around the idea that man is basically good... therefore, inherently man will do good. i dont know which is the more blind faith... i'd probably burn at the stake for it, if it were still the dark age... but it somehow put things in perspective for me... i havent been practicing my faith... not in the conventional way anyway... i havent been the regular church goer, nor have i been pious... but im not self righteous or hypocrit about it either. i am a deviant catholic... perhaps im waiting for somebody to save my soul... or bring me back to the light. perhaps. Listening to: losing my religion - rem |
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March 7th, 2005
fairways of the weekend POSTED AT 08:55 PM my celphone died... finally after all the months of struggling against the inevitable... it quited. darn, phones are expensive these days... had to get a new one... im currently one armed and one legged... oh the cost... i have to organize myself finance wise cause, i think i have over extended with my expenses... buying the phone was way out of the plan... domingo trying to figure out the phone... i guess extra features are always extra confusion... what cant this phone do? ...walk my dog. anyway off to hang-out at xp... great until the wee hours of monday morning... lunadi early to work... had to go all the way south of the metro, to client's office to prep up for a site inspection and walk thrus... ugh no sleep... didnt went to the office anymore... missed my blog... oh well. had a chance to tour a golf course in laguna... riding a golf cart and checking out the fairways and greenfields... i dont see myself playing golf... but with that kind of view... i think i should try a swing or two sometime... first need to earn money for a country club membership... tomorrow i'll be back to the office... unfortunately more work awaits. Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay Listening to: harmonia - rhythem |
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March 8th, 2005
i mope POSTED AT 09:01 PM i crave your mouth, your voice, your hair. silent and starving, i prowl through the streets. bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day i hunt for the liquid measure of your steps. all this recent out pour of work and activities has somehow isolated me from my other circle of friends... i have been spending more time with my xp group and less from my nexus group... not to mention my thursday group as well... no ball game last week... huff. i hunger for your sleek laugh, your hands the color of a savage harvest, hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails, i want to eat your skin like a whole almond. i should have been dating somebody a friend of mine setted up, but it all ended up as just a text buddy instead... i dont think she likes the idea anyway, or maybe she probably got tired waiting for me to ask her out... oh i did but she had to cancel... i dont have the habit of asking twice... i want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body, the sovereign nose of your arrogant face, i want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes, i havent heard from cecile... i wonder how she is... looks like she doesnt miss me anyway... so what am i fussing about. and i pace around hungry, sniffing the twilight, hunting for you, for your hot heart, like a puma in the barrens of quitratue. - p neruda i have been missing everybody's birthdays as well... so much work, i hadnt had time to check my planner... heck, i havent updated my journal either... i have to find time this week to do that... but for now i mope... sigh. [img:417581] Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay Listening to: anticipation - mandy moore |
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March 9th, 2005
silliness and falling stars POSTED AT 08:57 PM i have been playing practical jokes around this afternoon... nothing too annoying though, just enough to make people laugh... just something silly... and the catch is, you have to be keen to appreciate it, cause otherwise you will just pass by and not notice anything... i think people should see something silly once in a while... its like a reminder to smile. sigh, yeah i could be silly once in awhile if not often... i cant stand it when things are serious for a long while... my life have been sad for most of the time, a little silliness here and there is good to get by. heard the song again... then i remember something not quite distant... its been a long time since... and life moved on, i stayed awhile but followed soon... it's easier for the person who is leaving to move on... new environment, new friends... i'm left with all the things that reminds. darn, i'm moping again, sigh... ...i've learned to feel what i cannot see but with you i lose that vision... i don't know how to dream your dream so i'm all caught up in superstition... i want to reach out and pull you to me trying to catch your heart is like trying to catch a star... but i can't love you this much baby and love you from this far...waiting for a star to fall and carry your heart into my arms that's where you belong... in my arms baby, yeah... saw a falling star once in the corner of my eye... haven't seen one since... still waiting... Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay Listening to: waiting for a star to fall - boy meets girl |
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March 10th, 2005
twisted plots and schizophrenia POSTED AT 06:01 PM looks like activity is normalizing again... or maybe because im starting to slack again... well looks like my pending promotion is going to be compromised... im just being paranoid... i think i'll do well... whoa, im surprised by my own attitude... i'm rarely assured with what i do, but i think today, i can do anything... well maybe except walk on fire, or do tightropes, or eat live chicken, or dance around naked.. well maybe i can do that, haha... an old officemate of mine dropped by, hayley, i think she's going to join the company... well isnt that a plot twist... its good to have another nice face around anyway... ouch, that woman still knows how to punch... wait a minute... she's probably taking my slot... huff... my promotion is compromised... well, never liked the position anyway... whoa, im surprised by my own attitude... from mr. assured of himself to mr. sourgrape in one entry... darn why am i writing like some sort of schizo... i think im gonna go and dance around naked now... haha. finally the ball game is going to push through today... last weeks no play made me crave for this one... i think im fairly conditioned already and i think i got my touch back... har. enough of the talk...
Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay Listening to: mother, we just cant get enough - new radicals |
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... will bring my game later...March 11th, 2005
playtime... and spending POSTED AT 06:44 PM friday people unite... looks like its a party mood again here... well not that everybody is finished for the week, in fact most of them are probably going back to do some more work tomorrow... but friday is friday... and friday night is friday people night... all work and no play is no way... tutto il lavoro e nessuno gioco è nessuna maniera...
argh, i cant seem to control myself from spending these days... this is not good... i am way over my threshold and im still going at it like crazy... talk about investing on the wrong things... hmm... isnt spending on things that makes you happy a good investment... i guess not when you feel guilty afterwards. ah, you can never be too happy when guilts just hanging around. never seem to really go away. i need to recover before it becomes an addiction... spending that is. Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay Listening to: family affair - mary j blige |
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March 14th, 2005
monday and away... POSTED AT 05:26 PM monday and still no sleep... its a rather bad sunday habit of staying up really late... i better try and cut down specially if there is a site visit the next day and early one to boot... monday and away... we just spent over an hour walking under the scorching sun... touring the whole agri-entertainment area... im getting my tan and i havent even been to the beach yet... site visits like this just rob me quality time at work, i spend more time traveling than to the visit itself... huff... hands shading eyes,I follow the high flight:honoring heaven, the bird traverses the transparency, without soiling the day. - p neruda oh great im ranting... i really shouldnt do this... but i guess this is all because of the lack of sleep... at least the clouds called and the day made some sense... i think i should go home early and rest... monday and finally some sleep... Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay Listening to: vertigo - U2 |
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March 16th, 2005
march of the sunflowers POSTED AT 06:56 PM days flash by when you are busy... i missed writing yesterday's entry... nothing significant happened yesterday anyway... and im all too pre-occupied with deadlines to write something about... hmm. it's march! sunflowery day anniversary...
winning a chocolate, one big bite of ham sandwich... a parcel for me... whisper, the one-hour and thirty minute ride to a bakeshop... eating section... repay... giving a token of kindness... getting hugged... hands held together... growing affections... ungiven letters... cruboy at hotmail was born, just too zen about everything... its just an ordinary day... jane called... cecile's dilemma... my own baggage... hating money matters... what a metagame... what a metashot... veggie burito, crazy bread, chicken popcorn... bad start 'til bad ending... in for a cold... stick to the plan... or whatever... time to be busy... of being a humble bee wow, ten years later... a lot of things have happened but some things remain the same... i'm not sure if i have changed... i'm not sure if i have improved... i'm not sure if i have matured... why am i still not sure of anything? the sunflowery days have gone, so is the daydreamer... all that is left is the penniless sitar player, the love's fool... sigh. the sunshine is not shining... just so (a farewell to the sunflowery days) i came as you expected -icruel http://poetry.com/Publications/display.asp?ID=P14180821&BN=999&PN=1 the clouds are happy i think... music is my aeroplane. Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay Listening to: nobody does it better - carly simon |
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March 17th, 2005
the forecast today... POSTED AT 07:14 PM life in a weather report... looks like there seems to be heavy downpour of work... work schedule will be swamped with papers and unfinished plans and will probably extend to the weekend... only if i can stay indoor... temperature is dropping cold... after a series of set-ups and blind dates, looks like everything is chilling out... not much heat has been generated this few weeks past, could be signs for a new ice age... better hold on to my sweater. tide of expenses is high and still rising... despite the cold temperature of social activity... the rise of tide, can be attributed to the heavy down pour of work and majorly caused by the lunar influences of friends and whims. prospect of enjoying the beach will be when the tide has lowered... not in the immediate future however. sunshine is expected to rise from this predicament soon and hopefully settles down in the near future. ...whether i like it or not. im off to planet basketball... Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay Listening to: something t say - harem scarem |
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March 18th, 2005
sharing corners and bottled solitude POSTED AT 07:15 PM there is no hiding... there is no escape... sometimes cell phones can be such a liability... you can never be out for a vacation really... work is always a phone call away... an email close... i was late as usual for work, but hey no boss around, and i was thinking i should spend sometime off after a week of continues long hours of toiling... besides i had a nice tiring four ball games... but then messages and phone calls started pouring in one after the other... i swear its much harder to become a hermit in this day and age... so many means of communication... so many population... you're bound to bump on somebody you know almost anywhere... its amazing how once you've log into the internet, a message will pop up to greet you. walk around the mall for lunch or whatever and eventually find some familiar face that greets you... and sometimes this can happen even in the wrong places as well, haha. the world is getting smaller after all. sooner or later everybody would be sharing a corner... solitude will become a high priced commodity... hmm... sounds like a great business oppurtunity... bottled solitude for sale... wonder drink to regain inner peace... i think i need a case... i want to drown in solitude after all this work. weekend tomorrow... im pretty sure i'd get calls or messages for work... construction phase can be such a pain in the ass... specially with fickle clients... project managers with no guts to decide... suppliers who are blood thirsty. sigh. * there is no hiding... there is no escape... non ci è nascondiglio... non ci è fuga...
selling: bottled solitude! wonder drink to regain your inner peace. general surgeon's warning: too much solitude can be hazardous to your social life. Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay Listening to: intergalactic - beastie boys |
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March 22nd, 2005
missing mornings POSTED AT 06:48 AM good morning morning! la mattina di mattina buona! wow, im earlier than the sun today... but not as early as alena... looks like its a race to the office... leaving early today for a site visit, the challenge however is to get to the office before 7am or you get left behind... and being the notorius late comer that i am people in the office bets i'd get left behind... i may be notoriously late but im also notoriously motivated. so i am here writing my blog waiting for the driver... how crazy can this be... then it dawns on me, what if the driver comes in late anyway... oh well. i didnt know i'd miss the morning... being an insomiac that i am, i hardly have that early morning, sun about to rise moment... (unless i'm coming home... man, have i been bad) when you can still see your breath in the cold and where a hot mug of coffee is really great... not to mention the hot bread and butter as well... sigh. i guess i have been denying myself of waking up on early mornings... i'll try and enjoy some early morning from now while its still early in the year... it will be good for me i believe. i think im ready for the day. yesterday was a flurry really... compared to today that is... maybe its too early to say... but then i'll be on the road... ah, sigh, i miss mornings. ah, sospira, io le sig.ine mattine. Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay Listening to: breakfast at tiffany's - the doors |
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March 28th, 2005
the holy week that passed by POSTED AT 10:49 PM wow, the holy week went by so fast... i was just getting started with resting... oh, the holy week with the not so holy me... i've been bad... spent most of my holy week(end) out of the house for a change... compared to last years hibernating at home, this time i was in other friends houses and friends shop... just being old kids playing with boards games and card games and play stations and network gaming... cant complain about the company... it was lots of fun. well, maybe i did forget about the essence of the holy week abit... err, well maybe a little more than a bit... i never did anything bad or anything... but i do remember celebrating the holy week at home most of my entire life watching tv reruns or religious specials... and reflecting and spending quality time with myself... yes, i remember my holy week was for solitude. i guess things do change. i try to be good anyway, i think that should count for something. it's good for me to be out and about... carpe diem... i should take all the chances to bond with friends and meet new friends. "take these chances... place them in a box until quieter times..." - d matthews did not go to work today... but it was rather pointless, my darn celphone kept ringing every now and then... sigh. sometimes you just have to hate technology. Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree g gavriel kay Listening to: ryan cabrera - true |
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March 29th, 2005
sluggish and slow motions POSTED AT 06:16 PM there are some days when i dont feel healthy, this is one of those days, not that im sick or anything... i just feel sluggish and slow... i guess maybe because of the long weekend and perhaps yesterdays break as well... i guess anything inexcess is bad even if it is good for you... maybe im just being paranoid... i just dont like the feeling of being sick... though i try to stay healthy (i dont smoke, i rarely drink but i do like to get drunk) but i am however surrounded by unhealthy elements... i think i could blame my insomnia too... atleast i still have an appetite for food... i'd be worried if i dont... and i think im feeling a little better now compared this morning... i had a hard time getting out of my bed... i should feel better soon, the ball game is just a few days away... i want to play... not to mention the outing plans going on for the coming month... that would be three straight weekends out of town... damn... need to get buff for the beach... haha... well atleast i'll try... maybe a little chicken soup will do good for me... hmm... or something... Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay Listening to: you make me feel like dancing - leo sayer |
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March 30th, 2005
hello summer POSTED AT 10:32 PM hello summer... i can tell you are around cause im not moving and im breaking a sweat... my mouth is always parched. its been a year and alot has happened since... i wonder what you have in store for me. i really dont know cause so far you've always brought some surprises along... i always get caught off gaurd... i remember last years, summer... just like some sad romance summer flick... all too quick and so much intense and then nothing... like a fast burning candle. ( fast burning candle.... remember cecile, summer? i never thought i'd get consumed with yearn... i got played there... sad however she'd never knew how much i fell for her then... its hard to fall for a friend, ey? im in limbo, in turmoil, lost at sea with no wind. busy at work cause i dont want to think about -er... i need to be distracted cause this yearn is driving me crazy... love is cruel... torments your soul... ugh. - entry march 29 2004 summer, that was like a long guessing game... i called it, i was wrong, but i knew i called right... she did admit the bluff then but that was after you left summer... and i was tired of the game. we havent talked since... hey summer, i remember the time when i was going for this board exam as well, just to get distracted of her, i had the worst time with you in the line, off the line, anywhere else... it was hot like hell... i've never been everywhere for an application... geesh. but that turned out well after you left. funny, i never went out of town with you last year... i forget why... but i think you'll be with me out for awhile... and i'll try to get ready for your surprises again... and hopefully i have some good time with you this year... do stay awhile summer, im not sure im ready with rain anyway. Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay Listening to: summer son - texas |
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March 31st, 2005
canned heat POSTED AT 06:32 PM i thought im repressed... no matter how much i claim that i am liberated and that i have a open mind... unfortunately society still sets the rules by which people play or interact... somehow behaviors are to be expected and anything out of the ordinary is taboo... somehow i am still compelled to play by the rules and my behavior is still predictable. i've also learned not to play by the rules on occassion but of course that has lead to more disaster anyway... nothing life threatening though... but sometimes you can never just play fair... for life sure isnt. and i have behaved out of the ordinary as well... i do tend to surprise my friends on occassion... its good to keep them on their toes... good or bad i think they still love me anyway. but im not after all... io il wanna ha il sesso... summer has brought in some intense heat recently... whew... its been a while since i've felt this hot... whew... maybe its a good thing there is so much work to be done today, it somehow has kept me from thinking about this unexplained heat... good thing its planet basketball night... maybe i can sweat this heat out... Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay Listening to: something about you - five for fighting |
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