the weekend pass and big fishes
POSTED AT 07:16 PM

cruboy

that was a long weekend... i wish every monday is a holiday... i feel kinda good going for work today...

friday was drew's sort of victory party... after passing the bar, who wouldn't... anyway the food was great, maybe except for the sour ripe mango and the burnt tasting leche flan... wahaha... and the music was exceptional as well... acoustic guitar and three lovely female voices... absolute sound trip... specially their rendition of sting's "english man in new york" and "hinahanap-hanap kita" by rivermaya...

that dinner party was capped by drew's surprise performance of "change the world" of eric clapton...

then the friday people decided to go to cable car to have some beer and sing, but the place was packed so we ended up in redbox in greenbelt... that night was a laughful... specially when gil started singing mandy moore and celine dion songs... what the @#$#!! wahaha... looks like karaoke night will become a regular friday event now.... wahaha.

saturday was a game of thrones tourney... its my first this year... well its been quite awhile since... anyway i ended up as fourth place... oh well, better luck next time.  then we had a small birthday celebration for edge.

sunday was green lanterns pre-release for the versus card game... anyway i decided to join just to check out the set... after some hilarious road trip misadventure with dabs, edge, kc and leslie... we finally made it to the venue... parking in the wrong building, making the longest of u-turns... well at least i won a tin can in the raffle... then network gaming until the wee hours of monday morning.

monday was just bum around the house and rest... saw big fish on video and i kinda like the movie... i like the idea of romanticizing life, i mean it is drab as it is... hmmm... maybe that's what blog's are for, or maybe not... how else are we to tell our life's story

i ought to catch my own big fish...

dovrei prendere il mio pesce grande...

Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay
Listening to: how - lisa loeb

pigeons and cookie crumbs
POSTED AT 07:27 PM

cruboy

spent most of the day on the road again... and half of it under the sweltering heat of the sun... doing some occular and quality control... of half done half decent constructions... 

oh, well, shouldn't complain much anyway...

pigeons... well looks like i have hit threshold again this month... surprisingly my expenditures somehow doubled after my somewhat hefty raise... and its not good that people and relatives know you are doing good and single... i feel like cookie crumbs.  

maybe i am being selfish or something but i just thought it would be good if they have somebody else to depend on as well... i just want a full cookie jar... sigh.

i need a decent moonlighting job soon... either that or people starts paying up... eight (8) ball says... "future looks hazy, try again later."

feeling hot the whole afternoon... i swear... searing... sento caldo e concupiscente

there's a saying that goes: "conserve energy, shower with a friend." im gonna look for a shower buddy now...

Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay
Listening to: bootie call - all saints

reggae slush
POSTED AT 12:21 AM

cruboy

last night was a blast... went to a bar called xaymaca... anyway some of my office buddies had this idea to down a couple of beers while listening to rasta/reggae live music.

reggae (reg-ay) n. a West Indian Style of music with a strongly accented subsidiary beat.

i always did like reggae music since i've been introduced to it... i remember getting to really appreciate reggae music back when reality bites was the coolest flick around... i thought the hit song of big mountain 's "baby i love your way" was cool... not to mention winona ryder as well.

reggae is such a unique style... that syncopated up beats in the guitar and the hypnotic percussions... the simple swaying dance style... the jamaican accent... rasta mon.  i always wanted to learn how to play the guitar reggae style... i have some songs in mind that would sound cool in reggae.

somehow i didnt want to go home yet after yesterday hottest day of the year (figuratively and literally) so i agreed to join, which i thought was better than a cold shower...

until i woke up this morning with a splitting hangover headache... i couldnt stand up without thinking that my brain would ooze out my ears... but i had to will my way up for an 11am meeting... i've been feeling sick the whole morning... i still feel a bit worn writing this entry today...

ah , the price you pay for a goodtime.  and for the goodtimes up ahead... i'm paying in advance, i'm paying in advance.

hopefully i'll feel better when i'm off to planet basketball.

   i am determined to win

addendum: hurrah, after three weeks of losing streak... and two more heartbreak loses tonight, i finally had a win, winning jumpshot to boot.

 anyway i've been playing well since last week, but now finally... a win. i think i'll be able to sleep well tonight.  i feel better already... nothing can make you feel more better than a nice good game... and sweating out the toxins and alcohol... i felt purged.

Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay
Listening to: the street with no name - u2
Feeling: high

remembering the taste
POSTED AT 03:30 PM

cruboy

last night the friday people mustered, one of the boys got ditched... there has to be support for the fallen brethren... despite me wanting to watch a movie, but alas i must heed the muster.  had to join the hobby league in support of the shop, finally one first prize... my streak of wins seems to continue.  went home early, spent the night staring in the ceiling, thinking... remembering... 

there seems to be a gradual build up of excitement and fear in me... nothing to be alarmed about, i'm pretty sure it's not life threatening.  its like i'm taking an adventure into the unknown rather forbidden rather erotic.

not that i havent been there before, but somehow things always looks different as you go in the secret garden. you will always get lost on your way in, occassionally stumbling on to a wrong turn, but you move on... you move on towards the center of the secret garden. 

i suffer cold feet from time to time, i hasitate, i can't help it. i know i've been there before, or have i? maybe for a brief moment... damn, i should have paid more attention to the details... tell-tale signs... it would be easier for me to find my way back into the garden.

why do i return?  i remember the taste... i hunger for the flesh of the forbidden fruit.  i will find my way inside that garden, for in the center is the tree... the tree that bears the forbidden fruit.  i go without shame, for i did not fall for temptations... i seeked it, and i want to taste it and eat it... for i remember the taste... and i hunger.

and still i fear, for the garden is not like it was before the way i remember... it is familiar and yet so very different just the same. 

i will walk on, slowly if i have to, for i remember the taste, and i hunger. and though i fear, and though i hesitate, i should walk on.

Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay
Listening to: when it's all burning - strata
Feeling: restless

playing fire and breaking dishes
POSTED AT 12:55 AM

cruboy

it was mother's day nine minutes ago... unfortunately my mother did not go home today.  i did greet her, but it would have been better if she went home, maybe not for me, but for my brothers. i feel kind of orphaned in this weird family set up we have. sad perhaps.

i played with fire and i got wet.  it seems that the heat that has been building up in me has been doused by cold water of reality and reason. perhaps its better than taking a shower. reality and reasons are the hoser of bad ideas.  i guess its better for clarity to come early than regret coming in much later. regret doesnt come early and clarity sometimes never come at all.

im an elephant walking inside a houseful of china.  i felt something break, sometimes i could be clumsy with what i say. its like throwing a ball really, when you let go, there isnt any pulling back, pray that the receiver catches it or dodges it, otherwise it always ends up someone getting hurt. i ought to be careful of my actions and mindful of what i say. 

for a moment there, there was somehow a tilt in the universe, but sometimes you just have to tilt your head as well and everything else will seem to be fine. for how long? well, that might be a different matter all together.

Listening to: same ground - kitchie nadal

dynamics and tilts
POSTED AT 09:37 PM

cruboy

the dynamics of relationships

its amazing how relationship behaves like heat. much like heat, relationship is basically finding the balance of everything.  you can only receive what can only be given or you can only give what is needed. asking for more is demanding and giving so much is martyrdom.  there will always be needing... and there will always be giving... that is the dynamics of relationships... and the ideal of course is a balance transfer.

the overheated relationship is the irrational want.  when the want is more than what can be given is the time when temper flies.  this growing disappointment will become contempt until it becomes a full blown anger.

the supercooled relationship is the irrational giving.  when the giving is more than what is needed is the time when feelings become cold.  this growing of feeling of unwant  becomes feeling of dejection until it becomes self pity.

achieving balance in a relationship is a bit tricky but not at all difficult.  some achieve through trial and error, others by observation, others by exchange of information, but of course it would help alot if you know what you want and what you can give in return.

a theory on the tilting universe.

i always used the phrase "a tilt in the universe" when i have this weird feeling of something wrong which i cant describe or which i cant determine the reason...  it's this situation, scenario or a picture that no matter how hard you stare at something and you cant seem to figure out... that is what i call a tilt in the universe...

its like looking at a section of a big very picture and then you try and tilt your head to try and understand it. 

well, maybe my ideas are absurd, i just have this compulsion to try and put reason to it somehow and pretend i understand it.  im being geeky or something.

Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay
Listening to: eventually - pink

a sense of place in no space
POSTED AT 09:20 PM

cruboy

i am slowly reaching burn out... its been a almost a week of planning and replanning this damn residential tower... with the current demand of affordable housing, developers are racing to build something along the mrt corridor...

huff, if only small spaces are easy to plan... so many things to consider, so much function to accomodate, so much guidelines to follow, so much safety issues to address, so much furniture to place... so little space.

atopia: a place within empty space.

i remember i used this idea on my college thesis to describe the atrium concept.  it was a design philosophy inspried by conceptual works by Japanes arki students.  atopia is a conceptual paradox where the empty space becomes tangible to the occupants through changes of light and environment.

lao-tse has simply describe the essence of empty space in taoism

the thirty spokes unite in the one nave; but it is on the empty space (for the axle), that the use of the wheel depends. clay is fashioned into vessels; but it is on their empty hollowness, that their use depends. the door and windows are cut out (from the walls) to form an apartment; but it is on the empty space (within), that its use depends. therefore, what has a (positive) existence serves for profitable adaptation, and what has not that for (actual) usefulness.

i put meaning into empty space.

Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay
Listening to: round round - sugababes

walk with the clouds
POSTED AT 06:51 PM

cruboy

sigh...

trip to planet basketball was cancelled... spent some time with the clouds instead.  clouds do make great company, and it is rare to get to know one anyway. 

finally, the presentation is over, unfortuantely more revisions up ahead.  sign of progress, perhaps...

(to be continued)

friday evening had to join noc's dinner/ movie get together.  it's been awhile since that has happened it was great meeting tony, pia and carmen.  bumped into karl and anna as well at green belt. 

then off to hobby league... pat played for me and great, he went second so thats another cool prize for me. 

going home really late.  could not sleep yet, counting sheeps dont help.  temperature is rising, buidling up until you cant hold no more.  got to let some steam off... and then sleep.

sente cosí buono per te stesso accarezzare.

Reading: the history of crusades
Listening to: every breathe you take - the police

in the heat of broken things
POSTED AT 10:07 PM

cruboy

do lightning strike twice, apparently so... but bad luck isn't lightning so i guess it can strike more than twice even on a sunny day. 

what rotten luck... the  @#*$ing car b_r^ok_{e ^do}w_n on us again!! grrr. 

onyo me puse piensa que tengo una mancha de nacimiento en mi asno!

all the way batangas with a newly overhauled engine... and we didnt even get to reach our destination... to think we were suppose to go to two destination, tanauan and nasugbu... we had to go to one unfortunately... just to make sure the punchlisting of the auditorium goes through... ugh.

overall it was a tiring hot day... getting stranded along a highway at high noon was probably the best part already cause everything else started spiralling down to worse.   we get to gobble down in the eatery along the highway, and had dirty ice cream for dessert. 

the punchlisting was tiring, going up and down the three story building doing quality control is crazy after all that ordeal with the car (which we left there by the way, in fact we're probably going to go back with a can of gasoline and a matchstick and burn that crazy car).

the ride home was the killer, had to cram in a utility van full of scrap materials together with some sunbaked workers... the driver had to choose the slowest moving route in sucat, and the most flooded area in makati.  haha... i can only laugh inside.

twelve hours later, im back in front of my computer at work... ugh. 

another one of fate's practical joke. 

en calienta día uno.

im going home and have a very long shower. huff.

Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay
Listening to: getting out - maroon5

a different day all together
POSTED AT 06:45 PM

cruboy

after yesterday's misadventure and stroke of bad luck, it seems that fate has smiled back at me and trying to make up for yesterday mischievous prank...

i'm not really biting into it but i think i should thank fate nonetheless for today.

woke up late and went directly to glorietta for a lunch out with dabs, manny, erman and ram... stroke of luck one, dabs and i were waiting for the rest of the guys at food choices when two pretty girls decided to sit with us to do their survey.  and being devious gentlemen we are, we agreed.  anyway i think they found us entertaining enough, we kept cracking jokes and being funny, they kept laughing.  too bad they had to go finish their survey...  we should have invited them for coffee or something... we were being slow, dabs and i atleast.

stroke of luck two... bought some packs for this card game, reign of kings and got some rare cards for the house i'm collecting.  not bad i'd say.

stroke of luck three... as soon as i hurried back for work, the presentation got moved to next week, so not much worry for me, well not until tomorrow anyway.

it's amazing how one's fortune swing the otherway from day to day.  i guess one shouldn't hold on to luck alone, you're never sure how long it can last.  that goes the other way as well... a bad day is a bad day perhaps today, but tomorrow is tomorrow and a different day all together.

i guess it's the right time to exhale at least.  life is always meant to be enjoyed... it's really all the meaning we need of it anyway. ...perhaps that is just me.

Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay
Listening to: just a little bit - maria mena

gasping for a game
POSTED AT 06:13 PM

cruboy

argh, second week that the trip to planet basketball has been derailed... looks like i'll be back to square one come next week again. huff. i've been playing so well, grrr.

haven't accomplished much today, wonder why... after finding out that the trip to planet basketball is a no go, my mind has been wandering.  i can't seem to concentrate, not to mention that relay-outing the darn penthouse is tougher than i thought... i still havent had any progress... hopefully, i'll have something tomorrow morning substantial.

i am retrogressing again... i hate it when trips to planet basketball dont push through, i feel like i have been denied or something.  its one of the few things i look forward to in the week.  i always identify wednesday as the day before basketball.  i've been running moves in my head that i'd like to do, but i guess i have to wait again till next week. 

so when things like this dont happen, i feel like i have held my breath for nothing. now i gasp. gasp. gasp.

sigh.

good thing episode III is out.

 

Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay
Listening to: you're the only one - maria mena

eyes wide open and mouth shut
POSTED AT 12:05 PM

cruboy

hesitation.

friday... dont want to say much about friday... i dont mind another friday like one though. 

where are the friday people... well, im not sure, but i dont think they missed me anyway.

saturday... thinking about friday... dont want to say much about friday.  went to xp for a tourney, came unprepared... so another string of loses, oh well... spent so much on hobby again... i should cut down on gaming.  crazy.  just hanged out until 2am. finally had a taste of wowie's legendary buttered chicken dish (sounds nasty, but taste even better,weh).

i got figured. my shot lacks follow through... so many attempts and so many misses.  got to move around the picks and get a good look at the hoop...

no hesitation.

i miss planet basketball.

Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: summer tree by g gavriel guy
Listening to: 2am - matchbox20

being dali and fluidity
POSTED AT 06:17 PM

cruboy

assessing the week that has passed... culminating on a very hot sunday afternoon, today looks to be some sort of alternate universe for me all of a sudden. 

i feel like i have been pulled out of a fluid dream and right smack into the cubist world. 

the weekend was so surreal i could have painted it in a canvas like dali.  fluid like his vision. fluid.  free flowing. 

i'd like to paint the sun... a sun of the brightest yellow and the most glaring  white.  around it is a sky of scorching red.  the heat will be shown in radiating waves of various warm hues. it will be so intense that it wil_l m_el_t everything around, until all becomes fluid.  fluid.  free flowing.

but today i have awaken into a cubist world, defined by crisp lines, clean edges and sharp corners, they may cut, they may wound, they may puncture.  but i am the painter and i have the brush.  i will round those corners, soften all those edges and curve all the lines... until everything becomes fluid.  fluid.  free flowing.

if i awake tomorrow into a dadaist world, and so long as i have the brush in my hand i will re-paint them, for i am a painter.  i will paint it in a vision i see pleasing, where one melts to another... everything is fluid.  fluid.  free flowing.

Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay
Listening to: city love - john mayer
Feeling: being dali

running after life
POSTED AT 11:37 PM

cruboy

it has been a catching up day.  so many things to be done that i have set aside, or ignored, or half done, or forgotten. i need to do them up soon.  there are errands to accomplish, tasks to do, work to finish and even moonlighting oppurtunities to follow up.

woke up early, or atleast i tried.  went to work and started on fire, everything was done and right on time for the scheduled meeting. went to the post office late however, so looks like i have to do the errand tomorrow instead.  i'm now thinking why i volunteered to be "the king's raven"... huff. i didnt know redeeming something in the states could be such a hassle.  i guess i like the title, huff, xp owes me on this one. finished up my submissions, and emailed what needs to be sent.

made a short paper about 20th century architectural styles. installed a new game in the pc, even fed a new little pet mouse trapped in my trash bin.

it has been a catching up day.  the day feels short when you're catching up on things in your life.  there are still so much to be done. huff.  i feel like my life went on ahead of me and left me in between somewhere and nowhere with no directions to follow.  every time spent seems to have been borrowed sometime else, i need to catch up or i'd get left  far behind.  im running after my life it seem.

it has been a catching up day, not to mention a cloudless one too.

manco le nuvole oggi.

Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree by g gavriel kay
Listening to: far behind - candlebox

waiting for the sunrise
POSTED AT 04:43 AM

cruboy

its 4:00am, still awake... just done with some work... tired perhaps but otherwise i think im ok.

running after life yesterday, today im running straight to the morning... the sun will rise soon... and then i will get some sleep... funny, atleast i will see the sun rise... that's a bit rare nowadays.

still so much to do, it doesn't seem to end... it's like a cornucopia of things to do, they just keep pouring out in abundance.  oh, how i'd love to share... but no one seems to want more things to do.

i think i almost choked on the stuff i thought i could chew.  i shouldn't burden myself on trivial stuff, but i cant seem to just let go. an officemate borrowed money from me yesterday afternoon... gosh, like the last few big denomination in my wallet is gone until friday, huff.  i'm still trying to look where that atm sign on me again... im pretty sure it isn't on my forehead... it has to be somewhere. sigh.

i shouldn't be ranting about it... i just beginning to find it irritating. 

it's amazing also how sleepless nights can be a fine way to get to know people better... sometimes you just have to keep talking to stay awake and finish your work. 

it dawned on me... planet basketball later... i wonder if i could play, considering the long break and the sleeplesness i had today...

my body will tell me tomorrow.

 

Reading: the oxford paperback dictionary
Listening to: 1000 things - jason mraz
Feeling: working

where's the kind of rush
POSTED AT 03:05 PM

cruboy

i need to slow down... what's the rush anyway?

still catching up on life... damn... someone was right... i dont have much time for anything else... or do i.  my room is a shamble, there are times when even i cant stand the mess... it has become much harder for me to find stuff i need... the bad part is in my impaatience i mess it up even more... ugh.  and when i look over i feel some sort of regret messing the place up in the first place.

i guess with this kind of pace of life, im bound to become impatient... waiting becomes a waste of effort, indecision becomes a waste of time, and hesitation becomes a waste of oppurtunity. 

i need to slow down somehow, i've been living life at break-neck speed, im missing all the warning signs... i don't want to make the wrong turn or worse end up in a dead end. 

i need to slow down... what's the rush anyway? i'm not even making up for lost time... time has left me along time ago.... huff crazy talk.

yesterday was a blurr... i got late in a meeting, luckily enough we were able to bull our way out again... the end of the month drinking at the office was stale... i brought tequila and red wine and everyone else wasnt in the mood to drink.  strange.  i wasnt in the mood to drink either... stranger... oh well, off to meet a buddy instead to see a movie.  then closing hour round of drinks with the xp people. 

i need to slow down.... what's the rush anyway?

ho bisogno di rallentare.... che è la fretta comunque?

Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay
Listening to: bullets with butterfly wings - smashing pumpkins

of floating and crashing down
POSTED AT 10:05 PM

cruboy

it seems that this week is not any different from last week... looks like i'll be swamped with work again... crazy.  it seems that it just keeps coming into me.  my demi-god of herculean task aura is waning... i feel a slowly creeping burn-out coming. 

i am currently afloat. i have this unexplainable feeling of light headedness despite the workload.  my feet are off the ground and my life is ready to turn around and around by the slightest of breeze. i am afloat but i'm not sure if i am on top of things.  it's hard not to be able to hold on to something.

i am currently afloat.  my mind has been a drift in someway... floating on an endless sea of thoughts and uncertainty.  i see no stars above to guide me, or do i stare with my eyes closed... i cant tell darkness from a blindfold. 

i am currently afloat.  my spirit is like a half-drowned survivor of a shipwreck...  swallowed and spat out by a troubled ocean.  i see no land on the horrizon, i see no land.  i cant tell help from an out-reached hand.

i am currently afloat.  my body feels of a feather soaring... ripped by violent gusts of reason and nature.  i see no end in this wrestle and tumble, i see no rest.  i cant tell the truth from a mocking jest.

i am currently afloat.  my feet are off the ground...

soon i will crash down, and hug the dirt.

Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay
Listening to: through the fire - nina
Feeling: afloat