Entries for July, 2005
July 4th, 2005
a different playground POSTED AT 08:02 PM it seems that as we grow older we come to search for a different playground... i remember when i was a kid i used to love lego bricks... i save money to buy a box, and i normally pick a particular color and also the piece i needed to make something bigger and something that is my own. it has to be the slickest looking tank, copter, plane, speedboat or whatever, and most of all, it had to be operable or transformable. lego has made me a designer, and perhaps that is why i became a builder eventually. i never thought i'd out grow lego... i still have my box, not as enough perhaps, dustier than usual... real life has left me little creativity for lego. my playground was my room. much older, my playground became the basketball court... i love the sport, admittedly i may not be the most talented in the thursday group but i am one of the better role payer.... i have improved progressively... and so long as my knees and body permits me to play... this is one playground i hope i wont out grow. sports has made me healthy... i'm no body buff, i can't say i am slim... but i would like to believe i am fit and healthy. now that i am older i have become more active with sports, trying out new things. real life has made me realize how fitness is important. planet basketball is my playground. then of course there are the other hobbies which help me become well-rounded person... my different gaming hobbies has taught me to be patient, understanding, and cooperative. it also sharpened my people skills, considering i get to meet all sorts of good folks out for a healthy competition. it seems that as we grow older we search for a different playground... play a different game altogether... different set of rules, different set of toys... different set of playmates... and there seems to be only one outcome we want out of our search... the search for honest fun.
Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay Listening to: we fit together - otown 4 thought(s) that matters...
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July 6th, 2005
reading tarot POSTED AT 09:01 PM i remember something about a weekend past... one saturday a friend of mine brought her tarot deck and read me what i dealt... the card itself was old i think, but it was colorful and well illustrated that once you see the surreal image you kind of know what it would perhaps mean. it was a particularly good hand or so i thought it was anyway... and the funny thing was, most of the key words that came out were rather significant and apt. thanks, tala. i think i know me a little bit better. me: the page of fire: playfulness. also the page of wands "earth of fire" - the seed of fire. the spark. the "fool's" alter ego. mastery of action. The moment you start seeing life as non-serious, playfulness, all the burden on your heart disappears. All the fear of death, of life, of love - everything disappears. One starts living with a very light weight or almost no weight. So weightless one becomes, one can fly in the open sky. Zen's greatest contribution is to give you an alternative to the serious man. The serious man has made the world, the serious man has made all the religions. He has created all the philosophies, all the cultures, all the moralities; everything that exists around you is a creation of the serious man. Zen has dropped out of the serious world. It has created a world of its own which is very playful, full of laughter, where even great masters behave like children. When the page of fire enters your life, it is a sign that you are ready for the fresh and the new. Something wonderful is just on the horizon, and you have just the right quality of playful innocence and clarity to welcome it with open arms. the issue: trust internal influence that i do not see: the creator the external influence that i am aware of: compromise what is needed for resolution: clinging to the past resolution: flowering self image: stress others perception of me: the empress: creativity
hope/fears: the mind outcome: thunderbolt Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay Listening to: hush - ll cool j |
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July 10th, 2005
i come to a yield POSTED AT 08:14 PM i come to a yield... two roads both leading to the unknown... the roads both look unfamiliar, both looks interesting. i stare at the roads ahead and wonder for awhile, i have never been on these roads before... i wouldnt know which will lead me to where i want to go... i dont know how far or tortous these roads will take me if it would take me somewhere after all. i am not afraid of the dangers and i am ready for the obstacles, i appreciate whatever views and i welcome any stranger that i will encounter. i cant seem to make any step further, not yet anyway. i look for familiar signs, landmarks perhaps... i recognize none... i stare at the roads ahead... then decide to sit for awhile and rest, perhaps to wait for passers by who i could ask about where the two roads lead to...its been awhile and still no passers by. so i stand up ... i stare at the two roads ahead... i come to a yield and decide to make a new path. i shall be telling this with a sigh Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree g gavriel kay |
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July 12th, 2005
travelling and waiting to exhale POSTED AT 08:21 PM i hate being at work but out of the office... i guess im used to the comfort of my desk... everything i need within arms reach... not to mention the constant comfort climate of a mechanically ventilated room... and of course the oppurtunity to be "on line". i was off to my unfavorite project site of dusty and hot like a frying pan project site. small projects here and there which ironically need such colossal attentionfrom me. breathe in, breathe out. inspirare, espira. i missed boxing, waiting for another meeting to finish... im not even part of the meeting and yet it has wasted my time... problem with company car pooling... we ought to synchronize all meetings to end at the same time... i missed boxing... oh well, i'm sure there are other opportunities. darn cant really say much about today cause i have spent most of my time travelling in a car, half dazed and delirious, wishing i was somewhere else or wondering why i was going somewhere again. i could have seriously lost my sanity on my way and back... not to mention the excruciating two hour wait for that technical meeting that almost wouldnt end about something i wouldnt want to know... breathe in, breathe out. inspirare, espira. vado meglio e mie diffondo in qualche luogo. nuff said. Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay Listening to: jeepney - sponge cola |
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July 15th, 2005
a win, weird dreams and singing clouds POSTED AT 06:09 PM finally after a series of defeat in planet basketball.... a win... just one win for the night... and that win is enough to erase all the heartbreak losses in the past... im happy til next week... victory is for those who believe in it the longest... one open lay up to the hoop... that's was everything. considering i havent been playing well since last week due to a phlegm filled lungs... im still sucking air, huff, puff... i should feel better next week... i had a weird dream this morning... anyway i was dreaming of me the evil me vaporizing the good me... i have killed my good clone in my dream... it was like some twisted sci-fi movie... i was fighting the evil me... fighting over this object of power... until a weird soundtrack kept playing in the background... the dream ended when i recognized the music... it was my phone ringing... weird dream... or maybe i did kill the good me... so now there is just the bad me... cool. ever heard the clouds sing in the morning? Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay Listening to: come get some - rooster |
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July 22nd, 2005
standing count POSTED AT 05:58 PM its been awhile since i have written much... i have been dazed like a boxer hit in the temple with a powerful hook... im staggering like a drunk trying to get my bearings back... hands flailing in self defense, a token resistance to an overpowering foe... in pain... i know i am at a loss... just waiting for my bloody cheek to hit the canvas... and then darkness. i havent been good... the page of fire's playfulness has left the house in cinder... play with fire and you will get burn or so the saying goes... as usual i am threading the path of destruction as all larrikins do... not out of rage but out of irresponsibility and carelessness. im blessed to have salvaged something out of my personal disaster... but ultimately a fallen cup mended will always have the cracks and the missing pieces... it isnt as it was before the fall, and i guess that is probably the reason why i felt sad. no regrets, just sadness. what is there for me.... i dont know yet... not until i stand up again, and shake my senses back into the game... spit the blood out, keep trying to throw the punches into the air and hope to win... hope to win this time. Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay Listening to: hurt so good - john mellencamp |
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July 27th, 2005
complications and living POSTED AT 06:13 PM who ever said life is a little complicated was surely sarcastic. happy are those who live a simple life, i'd probably envy them now... or maybe only from time to time... life is complications summarized into a four letter word that you can say in front of your teacher without getting your mouth soaped... i would have to be bold to say that life is never simple... simple life is not living.
simple life... i think is a myth anyway... it is like seeing a unicorn... we can talk about it and describe how beautiful it is but we can never really see it with our own two eyes... we hear it from people who say they know people who saw it and some may even be bold to say they saw one themselves. but if you are honest to yourself... i can never say you ever saw one. im not being sour grape about simple life... i still think life in general is good even if it is complicated. i think complication makes life interesting anyway, and though we may sulk and get frustrated, or angry and depressed, or sullen and grieved... with whatever rut we maybe in right now... there will always be some memories of the exact opposite that will lift our spirit... and then there is always this hope that things will come around... life normally does... come around. life may not be fair... but life is not fair with everyone... we are just so darn envious and malcontent. i dreamt of a simple life then woke up to the real world. i think i'm fine. Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree - g gavriel kay Listening to: what a fool believes - doobie brothers |
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July 31st, 2005
a week in bold lettered phrases POSTED AT 08:03 PM
enjoying the sunset. sometimes holidays can be a welcome… i did work that day unfortunately and i did much of what i can… but that makes the break more meaningful i think. a funny thought did cross my mind, what if the sun did refuse to set… like a forever sunset… for the romantic that might be good… but i realized if its a forever sunset here then somewhere else around the globe is a forever noon or forever night… i wouldn’t want that as much as i wanted the sunset not to end that day. of being out of place. no boxing for me, huff. so many things have happened the weeks before that has left me rather out of place. It’s not exactly a good feeling. i don’t mind really. i’m used to being the misfit. i did not know it was like a trip to jerusalem, so when the music stopped i was the only one left standing... it just feel sad to be out right when things are just getting to be fun. I want to be there in the fun part as well. i guess the playground does look different from where you stand. somewhere on the loft. im just trying to share a piece of my mind, I have no intention to offend or to be spiteful… the week has been crazy for me… so much work and so much on my mind. Change topic… I am trying to be understood, desperately… I wanted to find myself somewhere on the loft, maybe like a picture on a wall or a vase on a table… change topic… I think I left reasons somewhere on the loft… maybe where im going I don’t need it anyway. on a streak. planet basketball… work hard play harder… still having a good winning streak… that would be six in a row now… even though in some games im not doing more than I want to, i think im still playing better now. slow getting the moves back. i should take advantage of this energy im having… and though i enjoy just playing its never bad to enjoy winning on it as well. off to the island. it was movie night with noc and tony… where did the rest of the movie buds go… anyway, the movie was great. i should say scarlet johansson was great looking too… i think Im beginning to have a crush on her too... i'd love to see the movie again… the after movie was great as well… just talking about life and love in general and how it sucks… haha… we were like a bunch of bitter brooders… a divorcee, a recent break up and complication. people will do anything to survive. morning carwash. it is an entirely new experience for me, having to be in a carwash in the morning and enjoying ice cream for breakfast. Reading: the fionavar tapestry book one: the summer tree g gavriel kay Listening to: im yours - jason mraz |
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