Entries for October, 2005
October 3rd, 2005
one more slice please... POSTED AT 09:13 PM it has been a year... i have forgotten my blog's anniversary... my very first entry was september 23, 2004 and it has been 182 entries since... i should probably copy my old blog before it gets archived or deleted... it has been awhile... i guess i have shared more than just A Slice of My Life... and though it is still whatever leftovers... im really sure it isnt that bad. i would say it has been an eventful year... so many new experiences... so many new places... so many new faces... and so many new challenges. thankfully im still in one piece... cant say i have been good though... in fact i've done quite some awful things, mean things to people i care about... but i'd like to think i have touched and changed other peoples life... well, that is just me thinking... in fact i should thank everyone who has kept up with my none sense babbling... or ranting... or whatever... thank you. this site has been a silent witness of my life. so far i have enjoyed my stay here and i look forward to more days blog writing... hopefully with a little more sense into it. i look forward to knowing more souls out there who are maybe like me are lost in the tumbles of life. i look forward to the times i will be writing about new places that i have visited... all the i have learned a lot... and i hope i get to make good use of it. im sure there are a lot more to learn, but im eager...
...and what an eventful meaningful year it was. Reading: harry potter and the half blood prince Listening to: everythings gonna be alright - bob marley 2 thought(s) that matters...
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October 5th, 2005
the hamster speaks POSTED AT 08:51 PM "miw miw..." said the hamster. i guess i have a hard time expressing what i feel vocally sometimes... i have to admit it is abit uncomfortable for me... and i am afraid as well... i have the knack of saying all the things i feel in a very confusing way... im always short for words... i wish sometimes there is a word i can just say and then it means what it means that instant... no explanation necessary, no need for a dictionary for the meaning... for it means what it means that instant... no grammatic rules to follow... it's neither past nor future in tense... for it means what it means that instant... sometimes i wish people would know that you have thought of them somehow... like a psychic email... a bleep on a radar... i wish i could get them too... it would be good to know if you have been thought of for today... i know i have many times failed to let people i care about know that i have thought of them... i try... as much as i could... i do. i mean to have said: "i miss you." "i was thinking of you." i love you." "i was worried about you." "i need you." "wish you were here." "dont worry." "i'm sorry." but somehow these words came out differently on occassion that it might sounded so lame, or wrong, or stupid. i wish sometimes there is a word i can just say and it means what it means that instant... "miw miw..." said the hamster again. Reading: harry potter and the half blood prince Listening to: dont get me wrong - the pretenders |
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October 8th, 2005
truths and intentions POSTED AT 02:29 PM i have learned alot of things the other night... and i have learned them well... i had much of thinking and i have come to a resolution... make mistakes and learn... make mistakes and learn. i have learned that sometimes no matter how good the intention of your action but when it is done the wrong way, then its just plain wrong... somehow the machiavellian principle of the end justifies the means is not always true... specially on the matters of truth and trust. preventing somebody from hurtful truth is just as bad no matter which way... might as well give the brutal truth... there is no sense in sugar coating a bitter candy, there is no masking the true flavor, specially if seek for it. you can never assume as well what is best for somebody else, that will always be self interest no matter what coating you put over it. (i ought to be considerate.) if you can afford to tell the truth then there is no need to buy a lie. truth are very expensive commodities nowadays... more often than not there are truths that you cant afford to tell... whether it may be ruinous or just plain embarassing... but if you do come across some truth you can afford to tell then tell so... i should take all sort of oppurtunity when i can tell the truth and nothing but... i have learned long before that telling lies is cheap... but the problem with lies is they dont last that long and more often you would have to keep buying and buying those cheap lies to coverup one after the other... and when you run out of money to buy lies or when you have sold out your cheap source of lie that is when trouble begins. the damages lies causes are far more expensive... it is best to invest on the truth. it may be expensive at first but its warranty against trouble is lifetime. (i ought to be more truthful.) if you remember somebody, do something to let them know... somehow. i have learned that its pointless to tell somebody you remembered or thought of them and have not done anything... the oppurtunity to make somebody special was lost. just give them a call or a text or an email the worst thing that can happen is you got them at a wrong or embarrassing time... but that could end up more memorable anyway. (i ought to be more thoughtful.) Listening to: this guys in love with you - spiral staircase |
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October 10th, 2005
doors behind doors POSTED AT 08:50 PM it is amazing how one oppurtunity leads to another... its like one door opening to another and sometimes the room just gets bigger and bigger having more door than the previous. when it rains it pours indeed. i ought to be more careful entering into more doors leading to bigger rooms... im not sure if i have been there before and i might not like what is inside... or perhaps i might loose my way and i could never go back... or worse get stuck in a room with no way out, and very much alone. would i listen through the door or peer through the keyhole... would i knock three times and wait for an answer or kick the door down and barge in unwelcomed. what would i do with locked doors... pick the lock patiently or try the next one and see if it would open? would i crawl in a small door of a hole knowing its the right one to take or would i prance about a big archway gate knowing i should have taken the other door that looks rusty and aged. oppurtunity comes in different form and in different situation. i ought to be entering more doors... ...maybe with just a little caution. dovrei entrare più porte... ...may è con appena una piccola attenzione. Reading: harry potter and the half blood prince Listening to: impulsive - wilson philips |
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October 12th, 2005
bubble crash sting POSTED AT 12:45 PM i feel like a bubble gum. i am beginning to understand how a bubble gum feels like. chewed, churned and masticated... and when that minty flavor is gone... it is discreetly stuck under some table never to be seen again... and dont we just hate accidentally rediscovering somebody's bubble gum... it is like the grossest thing that could happen... eew. poor bubble gum. i feel the crash of rhinos coming. i can hear it... a distant rumbling like thunder so far away... i can feel it... the earth faintly trembles.... i can see it... dust rising from the ground getting bigger and bigger... and the earth shakes and the rumbling becomes louder... my heart beats fast as fast as the ground that shakes, i can hear it pounding on my chest like the stomp of heavy hooves on the ground... and the dust stings my eyes... i couldnt see clearly... i couldnt move, drowned by the sound. i am trampled upon and dragged down by the crash of rhinos. i feel jellyfish stings. colorfully transparent, like truth, it floats carefree around sunbeams under the sea. i swim about fascinated, such delicate creature it was... the colors passes through it like prism and colors come out so enticing and hypnotic. i dared to touch it, and i got stung... jellyfish stings. Reading: harry potter and the half blood prince Listening to: hari ng sablay - sugarfree |
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October 13th, 2005
never needed POSTED AT 03:32 AM i wanted to say something but it seems the oppurtunity is lost... though i was eager to hear of what happened and i am happy it did, i also couldnt help feel hurt. it was like a bragging contest and i wouldnt want to compete... and i also felt redundant suddenly... i wanted to ask what becomes of me... i got my answer... i never needed you... enough.... i wonder what it has been all along. i guess i have been living on the pretence that i am needed... i was wrong... silly me. i would do it nonetheless... i would still gladly drop anything i would be doing... to help a bit on something... or maybe stay awhile as a company... or listen to whatever from something important to even the trivial or even the absurd... i never thought of any of your story as a bore, nor the time i spent with you wasted... nor any favor ive done for you taxing... i would have done it nonetheless. i never needed you... i offer myself freely and i wouldnt ask anything in return, or maybe i do... a little appreciation would be enough... it would be nice to know i am of some value or purpose... i wouldnt have guessed i had none anyway. i have no knowledge to teach, no experience to share, no strength to offer, no ears to lend... not as a friend, not as a person... not even as a paper weight or a fire exit door stopper. enough... the hamster knight would gladly fight any battle even if the odds are at a loss, it isnt in winning where the honor is, it is in the cause.
miwmiw... hamster loves pwinces Reading: twenty love poems and a song of despair - pneruda Listening to: kissing you - des'ree |
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October 14th, 2005
sentio sentire sensi sensum POSTED AT 05:58 PM sentio sentire sensi sensum... i have realized... there are things meant to be and those that are not... and then there are just those things that are just are as it should be. i guess it is those that are meant to be and is not all at the same time... like being caught in between reality and dream... you know it was real but then not sure it happened because it was so temporal... it is like an aberration of life... or is it otherwise... the truth. i would say i have been through this kind of situation more often than i ought to be it seem... being caught in this aberration... i never did regret being through such... most of the good things that happened in my life have been such... i have time and again described these moments as surreal... or fluid. it is rather unusual that most of my happier memories are such... surreal or fluid... it seems that i would never have thought of my luck for such to happen to me... everything seems to be like a hazy dream... pain has always brought me back to reality though... maybe that is the reason why i sneer at the real world. nothing can be more true than pain. i have been trying to understand destiny and life... silly me... what is there to question about the truth about destiny and life... it is as it should be.
...status quo. Reading: harry potter and the half blood prince Listening to: hanging by a moment - lifehouse |
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October 17th, 2005
tempus fugit alia carpe diem POSTED AT 07:32 PM tempus fugit... it's been over four years... darkwing and droid are back from their peaceful world of greater northern america... time flies indeed... i still remember how worried i was that two of my closest oldest friends have decided to live over across the pacific... i always thought that things will be through... but i guess distance really isnt much of an issue between good friends... it is good to know that things havent change much... maybe there are some changes... it seems that the conversation topics are different, a bit serious; the concerns and worries; the problems and the situations... but the humor, the support, the compassion... among other things are still so unchanged. four years was all caught up in a weekend... tempus ripere... the old high school group, nexus, with all of its founding members scattered across three continents exists still... it is amazing how technology can help everyone get in touch so easily now a days... if i remember so, getting in touch was far more difficult when we were separated into different universities back then. not so today... everyone updated. four years was all caught up in a weekend... time flies indeed but it can be seized. carpe diem... after a dismal game last sunday i thought i needed a bit of inspiration. i decided to watch dps again the evening... after that i had much to think about and assess... i dont think i have been sucking the very marrow of life... perhaps im too cautious, too afraid to choke on the bone... "i went to the woods because i wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if i could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when i came to die, discover that i had not lived. i did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear, nor did i wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. i wanted to live deep and suck all the marrow of life..." from walden - hdthoreau some romantic i turned out to be... confined to the limits of time, of distance and of circumstance... it seems that the pain of reality has greatly distorted my romantic notion of freedom, beauty, truth and love... still hopeless, still helpless. but i ought to live as i ought to live, perhap love as i ought to love... to write what i hold to be true and not be afraid to be misunderstood, to learn those which would improve me and share them to help improve others... i ought to live. sigh... here i go again speaking of things that is beyond me... sigh... some romantic i turned out to be... still hopeless, still helpless. "tis only in their dreams that men truly be free, 'twas always thus and always thus will be." - keating seize the day for time flies. Reading: harry potter and the half blood prince Listening to: powerless - nelly furtado |
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October 18th, 2005
the aspect of luna POSTED AT 05:52 PM the moon is full tonight. and as much as i wanted to be rational about certain situations sometimes there is, just plainly put, no reason to be. there are situations when only the irrational matters... crazy as it sounds... lunacy n. an obsolete term for a form of insanity believed to be influenced by phases of the moon. i guess i have been used to the dictates of social rules and norms, and implanted with a moral conscience, acting irrationally is out of character; but then i realize that rules and norms are just reminders and nothing more. a reminder that there exists other peoples rights. if i ought to live as i ought to, i should not be afraid to be called insane or foolish. i'd be love's fool anyday. the moon is full tonight. and i have been struck mad by the aspect of luna as i looked above the cloudless sky last night. never felt such irrational yearn... it is so easy to loose your head, and do crazy things but why is it so hard to love with wild abandon... ...to stay silent and lucid in this mad world. Reading: harry potter and the half blood prince Listening to: silent lucidity - queenscryche |
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October 26th, 2005
competition and darwinism POSTED AT 12:54 AM survival of the fittest. i believe that competition is essential to the development of the well being of an individual... it is a healthy drive and a positive motivator to improve different aspects of a person. you become physically stronger, mentally sharper and spiritualy balanced. competition pushes an individual to achieve their potentials and to know their limitations as well... it is one of the best way to get to know your being and inner self, what you can and cannot do; what you can further develop and what you can improve. it is always good to know where you are strong and where you are weak at... i like competitions, contest and tournaments; be it at sports, hobby or work, not because of the reward or recognition, but because of the oppurtunity to know and improve myself. i have suffered many defeats, some overwhelming and some disappointing near-wins, i have never been bitter about it, or maybe i did... nevertheless i bounce back just a little bit better. but then there is nothing like winning. to be proud of one's achievement, to reap the rewards, to bath in the recognitions. in essence competition is all about trying to win, but more importantly to learn. on a side note, a teammate of the running rebels version two team, allan was injured last sunday... a badly broken nose off (hopefully an unintentional) wayward elbow off a rebound skirmish... damn we are a player short now. i pray for his speedy recovery. survival of the finest. i always did wonder if love follows the same theory of darwin’s… would that mean that he who loves the strongest survives… it’s a crazy notion, i’m not too sure if it would follow the same logic, but it would seem interesting if it does. come to think of it, looking at it biologically… the male subspecies would compete over the female subspecies during mating season… the strongest assures the propagation of their genetic heredity… nature’s simple solution to weed out the weak. natural selection has become more complicated in this day and age… culture, religion and even economics has greatly influenced the propagation of the genetic heredity. though it is still quite true that the male subspecies would still compete over the female subspecies (and with equal rights sometimes the opposite)… the strongest are not assured anymore. on a side note, darwin's wedding was great last saturday... and though i wasnt able to make it to the church wedding because of my brother's graduation ceremony that same afternoon, the dinner reception was excellent, food kept coming. darwin and joan looked great as a couple... sigh. to darwin and joan, congratulations and best of love. Reading: the fionavar tapestry book two: the wandering fi - g gavriel kay Listening to: nouvelle vague - i'll melt with you |
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