reckless scarred and drunk
POSTED AT 11:46 PM

cruboy

i had the chance to chat with a friend last sunday... and we ended up talking of things we wish were different, about trusting, of falling in and out of love...  there are apparently many like me...

reckless and scarred... that is what i am... and that is what i ought to be... if i ought to live and love with wild abandon, then that is what i ought to be...

not that i dont care of what others may say, or that if i hurt anybody in the process... i still care... reckless in the sense that i will take any oppurtunity given me, trusting only on gut instinct and good fortune, without being afraid of failing, or of the consequence of success, or of getting hurt trying; scarred.

speaking of reckless... got drunk badly the other night trying to out drink the eighteen year old sister of a friend of mine with a pitcher of red horse...  and i never thought of being out drank completely... the hubris of youth... would have thought experience counted... it seems im out of shape drinking.

anyway i got too drunk to go home, so i had to stay over, and worshipped the toilet bowl before hitting the sofa and waking up the morning still worshipping the toilet bowl and having a mild headache. then it was downloading music from the internet, answering some trivia, playing cards with a twist... spelling your name with your butt, wearing duster, getting a mustache, face paint and wearing a lipstick.

but it was all fun... i went home happy.

i have nothing much to lose but chance... and chances are hard to come by.  i ought to take whatever chance is thrown at me...

Reading: the fionavar tapestry book two: the wandering fi - g gavriel kay
Listening to: tiny dancer - elton john

alittle bit of nothing and some form of blues
POSTED AT 06:00 PM

cruboy

non niente un po'di

i got overly excited the evening... over something... but then before going to bed it got me thinking...  i mean i know i am consumed by an idea going on over my head... but i think its just me. 

anyway, i woke up much later than i expected... i was rather restless in bed last night, i had no book to read last night that would lull me to sleep... it seems that i have been doused by cold water or something... i had a premonition... nothings about to happen. 

 feel disappointed, well, maybe alittle...

della forma di blu

off to work... whaaa... its a holiday for crying out loud, but then i have to do as much as i can to ease the pressure for next week... i feel a strong wind of change coming... i ought to be ready.  there will be new responsibilities that will be left to my charge... i just hope i do a good job... i have to grow up, as hayley would put it so concise... grow up.

for some wierd reason i feel kind of alone here at work again...  i ought to be used to being left behind...  it seems i cant help emote... i think im getting some form of the blues... im not sure why... my resistance seems to have weakened.

 

 

 

 

 

 

ho indossato pensa che vada bene il conto, chiaramente è non me lei ha bisogno di.

Reading: the fionavar tapestry book two: the wandering fi - g gavriel kay
Listening to: over and over - tim mcgraw

going along fine
POSTED AT 05:25 PM

cruboy

been busy the whole week… haven’t written anything since… though the busy has been week, i think i could pretty much say that its been going along well… i think it’s a carry over from a great weekend… specially sunday… rrv2 finally had a win… nothing much to brag about… the rest of sunday was surreal.

i have to admit i haven’t been taking work too seriously… but with this plans going on involving my career upgrade, i ought to give a more conscious effort to do well… its not that i haven’t been doing well… in fact im doing great i think… i should just show more of the leader attribute i have or something… anyway i don’t think there is any harm trying to be good… 

had a lunch out with the xp boys recently… it was great to have those long lunch out just to get in touch or be updated with everybody else… not to mention enjoy train spotting in the mall… it is really good to just talk about what has been happening around with everybody else… not to mention the chance to get some really good chocolate chip cookies.

it was naughty of me, lending jeanie the kama sutra. but i think people should be educated about sex any way… people should ought to know what makes them go and what works for them or so… i don’t think its wrong to learn some theories or basics before any actual practice…(what am i saying) i have to admit that i have a lot to learn as well… so much more practice needed…

i think most of my friends would kill me if they found out what i just did… it is unforgivable to be corrupting a good friend… crazy me… crazy them… its funny how all this taboo have gone far and twisted.

off to planet basketball later… the running rebels v2 will be having a tune up game later… need some practice to work on our team defense… i on the other hand should improve my stamina for longer games and i ought to practice driving more deliberately into the hoop… hopefully my sore toe feels better later… this weird gloom in the weather has been making my body feel a bit heavier… that or I have gained more weight recently… i shouldn’t binge… and watch my food intake. 

this week has been going along fine… it ought to end just so. 

Reading: the fionavar tapestry book two: the wandering fi - g gavriel kay
Listening to: save a prayer - duran duran

needing the difference
POSTED AT 12:07 AM

cruboy

its been a long day and  bit sleepy too... probably because of the lack of sleep and getting up early for work... or trying to be early for it.  looks like i will be associate director by december... it seem official and all, after the meeting...  im not sure i know what to do... or if i am really ready for it... but i will be.

made a detour out of planet basketball... and i dropped off the xp boy's night out after also...

i guess there are more important matters than just playing a ball game with your college buddies or sharing a beer or two with you hobby friends... i think it is also important to be there for someone in need... maybe just to listen or to just be quiet with.

i try to be reliable as much as i can, as a friend... i find it hard to let down anyone in need specially when i know i can be of help... at whatever form that could be.  i always thought that goodness comes around... and i would want to rely on my best buds when the time comes when i am on a straight.

it is always better to keep some little goodness on many pockets... one wouldnt know when that time comes when you need to pull out one of those little goodness tucked neatly in your back pocket.  a little goodness makes a lot of difference.

its not that i look forward to any reward or return favor... its just that i would welcome one if it is willingly given.  i wouldnt ask for one anyway... well maybe when i am desperate.

it is good to know i am needed somehow... sometimes that it is enough...

Reading: the fionavar tapestry book 2
Listening to: radio - the corrs

one flew over the cuckoo's nest
POSTED AT 09:58 PM

cruboy

one flew over...

i guess it is normal for people to be out of normal once in awhile... like going crazy or nuts... just being a nuisance... playing pranks... being unserious... corny... unproductive... or cuckoo.

i guess its a different sort of breakdown... a happy breakdown if there is such a thing... instead of being sulky or depressed or angry... one would just be on a fit of being crazy... if there was one... i thought i just had one...

... and fell off...

anyway... i think i was being annoying the whole day today... crazy indeed... and though this isnt just the first incident... i just realized that everyone have this sort of fit... a happy breakdown.   i guess its a mixture of emotions and being surrender to the fact that being depressed or angry or whatever about it is just plain pointless that our emotions go haywire and we instead become incessantly and annoyingly happy or cheery...  unserious and corny all in one mix.

i should try to be more considerate i guess... it is kind of hard to tell by yourself if you're still funny or not... specially when you get the cuckoo attack...

...spiralling down happy...

and for some weird reason... a happy breakdown is just as tiring as the usual sad breakdown... physically that is... and more often than not, you feel better when you wake up the next day.

...off the nest.

 

Reading: the fionavar tapestry book two: the wandering fi - g gavriel kay
Listening to: higher and higher - pp and the floor shakers

judgment calls and monday blues
POSTED AT 02:42 PM

cruboy

the weekend went by rather well...

maybe except for another loss ball game early sunday morning... another player of ours got thrown out of the game for complaining and contesting the referee's call... it really is a close call to begin with but sometimes as a player we just hate it when everything ends up as a judgment call... sometimes we have to accept the fact that the game has been called in favor of the other team... just play on... that is looking at it at hind sight and with a little wisdom added in the mix...

everything was different that morning however... after the ejection everyone was playing half hearted and sluggish and a little bit too cautious... we should have adjusted our game... if the game is called tight... or if the calls are all let go situation... we should have adjusted.

it was funny how in the end of the game we were all ranting how lousy the officiating was... siting examples one after the other of the situations that should have been otherwise... but in the end after taking a cold shower and all... we all came to the conclusion... we should have adjusted our game.

that incident got me thinking somehow... my life has unfolded as it is... and sometimes not by my choice but by others as well... the choice which had or hadn’t have me in mind...  judgment call. it is wise to be able to adapt and adjust... to work things out with what is given and learn to compromise... there is no referee to complain to, and no matter how much ranting i'd want to do, there is no technical fouls given... life leaves us behind and plays on.

at least after that game, life did went on... so off to meet some friends... kit is back from chicago, so its another fine reason for the nexus group to reconvene... this time to see harry potter and the goblet of fire... which i thought was a finely concise movie version of the book... and much of the graphics and scene matched perfectly with what i had envisioned... cant wait for the next movie which happens to be my favorite book...  i so like to see the weasley twins in action...

then i got dizzy playing defense of the ancient with the group afterwards... interesting game apparently, i should listen to my brother more often. 

and then monday happened...

ugh... i’m not sure i want to write anything about today... perhaps i'll do tomorrow. i never really like mondays...

Reading: the fionavar tapestry book two: the wandering fi - g gavriel kay
Listening to: silent all these years - tori amos

procastination and twisted priorities
POSTED AT 08:41 PM

cruboy

the past tends to haunt me... i guess i was being a worry wart yesterday... i just didnt want to start my promotion with a possible demerit or something... the bad thing is that i really have some fault in it as well... but i think everything will be fine...

it is good to have clients who are understanding.

anyway, it is not good to ignore somethings that are needed to be done... they bound to haunt you eventually in the end... and it's not a very good feeling to be solving big problems you know you could have done a long time ago when it was just a small one... specially when it comes to a point it becomes unsolvable.

in this case, it's partly procastinating and partly because of twisted priority... but there shouldn't really be any excuses... i should have done what had to be done in the first place... so now it haunts me.

but all looks well it seems... now i am just annoyed with myself really for letting it happen... i'll be more expedient next time.

it is never good to let somethings in the past not to get resolved... it's like building pressure with no relief... in the end it will be just one big mess... and nobody wants to stick around to clean it up.

it is bad to have clients that are impossible.

i had a meeting with some expats in some hotel here in makati... i never encountered a bunch more obstinate and close minded... it is sad to think that perhaps it was racist in some way... i'd just like want to remind them who's the expert of the matter anyway...

it is a sad fact that some clients needs to be educated about architecture as a profession... the first thing that comes to their mind is somebody drawing up plan, making nice perspective of buildings... pity really...

grumble... grumble... it seems i've been ranting too much about work lately... it seems a stressful week... nothing a banana split ice cream can't make feel better though.

 

Reading: power the 48 laws robert greene
Listening to: love will keep us together - captain & tennille

waiting, awake
POSTED AT 01:40 AM

cruboy

waiting, trying to be awake... great game tonight but never a win... but im happy to have played well, sunday will be something else... we have gone through the gauntlet but there is still this one test...

then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
by the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,

waiting, trying to be awake... how does one calm a storm, how does one hold the tides from washing ashore... i wish i know the answers... but i am just here... in the eye of the storm i stand, and i will raise my hands to stop the winds from raging and the rain from lashing its fury... i will calm it.   and i am just here... in the middle of the shore, and i will open my arms and embrace the tides and hold it tightly... i will hold on.

`though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' i said, `art sure no craven.
ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -

waiting, trying to be awake... and i, i am just as frail... i too would bend... i too may drown...

tell me what thy lordly name is on the night's plutonian shore!'
quoth the raven, `nevermore.'

waiting, trying to be awake... i am just here... and i will listen to the songs raven sings...

...silence like the cold morning.

Reading: power the 48 laws - robert greene
Listening to: offshore - chicane