Entries for February, 2006
February 1st, 2006
coffee is POSTED AT 07:56 PM coffee is... most of the modern world has enjoyed coffee for just over three hundreds years, give or take... but history would tell us that most ancient civilization has enjoy coffee drinking even much later. this mysterious black drink has been talked about by homer and parts of arabian folktales as a potent stimulant. there was a time when the pope declared coffee as the "devils beverage", but after tasting the drink himself he thought that it would be a waste to let the non-believer enjoy such delicious tasting treat. after blessing coffee as the christian beverage... coffee shops in italy flourished much like as we know it today. 18th century people in venetia would enjoy a cup of coffee by the street side talking about the latest gossip or what not. soon enough it became the drink of the intellects... coffee is... ...great when shared after a great dinner and a terrific dessert. and though coffee makes me sweat a lot, its the only thing that would keep me up most of the night. im not much of a coffee drinker but i do have a taste for one. i know most of the blend and the combination for the flavoring,but coffee is perfect just as is, maybe a little cream to smooth it down and a sugar cube or two for some sweetness. would i be an addict for coffee... well maybe the ice blend kind... yummm. straight up hot coffee is a little too much for me to handle on a regular basis... i do enjoy it once in awhile specially when the mood calls for one or two. i am rather sensitive with caffeine. i get a different kind of rush, i feel good physically, mentally i am sharp and occasionally get all flushed in the face... and rarely i do tend to glow. i do tend to be selfish when it comes to personal coffee mugs... its not that i wouldnt want to share coffee or anything its just that it would be good to know who else enjoys a cup or two... i dont mind joining a group of avid coffee drinkers... i've got some stories to share as well. i know most of the joints where to get great coffee... somehow each one tends to have their specialty when it comes to coffee and sometimes it isn't really the coffee... sometimes its just the coffee drinkers... being around them is sure enough coffee delight... watching them enjoy their coffee is something else all together. coffee is... what ever you think it ought to be. Reading: a game of thrones - grr martin Listening to: the good kind - the wreckers Feeling: content 2 thought(s) that matters...
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February 8th, 2006
out of my head... POSTED AT 07:33 PM out of my head... and into trouble. i know i haven’t been myself lately... i guess so much work and so much distraction all at the same time is a rather volatile mix. i have been having wide mood swings too, i really wish i knew why... maybe i do, i’m just being in denial. being impossible as casual. stubborn and difficult. immature. i think its very difficult for me to project an image of someone in control or one that is on top of the situation. i don’t appear to be organized. and i really don’t like to explain that i am anyway if ever. call it a defensive mechanism or something... i don’t want anyone to be disappointed. besides i always thought people who believe in first impression to be a bit on the shallow side, this helps me not to be judgmental. out of my head... and into the frying pan. looks like i’m in the griller when it comes to work... i have to admit i haven’t been focused, as usual my priorities are all bent backwards and looped. could it be because i see no future for me... i should try and set long term goals... career or otherwise... personal life maybe. i deserved to be marinated and put over the flames. i could just be tasty... and perhaps have a purpose. i have to admit i have been in some sort of paranoia... its like i always have to brace myself on to something sturdy because some massive news will just slam into me senseless. i fear for my sanity and here i live a crazy life. out of my head... and into bed. i haven't been sleeping in a regular length of time... maybe this adds up to me being cranky and all. maybe there is some good in it, i ought to try and train myself to just get six hour sleep throughout the week... apparently oversleeping is not good for me. i ought to lose some pounds being an insomniac, that is if i can get my hands off midnight snacks. ...got to keep my wits about me. Reading: a game of thrones - grr martin Listening to: out of my head - fastball |
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February 14th, 2006
a day for fools... POSTED AT 08:59 PM a day for fools... today should have been holidays for people like me... the unappreciated, the lonely, the unwanted, the outcast... unlike last year or the year before that too... today would be a bit uneventful... maybe except in the morning. it seem i have been challenged yet again... yes, the sort of set up were it was designed such that i wouldn't want to do or that if i do; it would leave me not feeling any better. but the fool that i am would undertake a dare as such, only just so to win the slightest of favor. ah, the things i do... i have been currently slipping off grace... half of which is because of my clumsiness when it comes to relationships, i should try not to be sorry all the time... i have been told, even by myself... but i never listen not even to myself at times, force of habit, i don't know. the things i do... i remember white carnations... it was unfortunate that the whole length of dangwa don't have white carnations... i settled for the closest color, a faded pink. thanks would have been enough, but the obvious answer of course was that it wasn't white. it was probably the light, or because it was crowded and terribly hot, or maybe it was past midnight and i was sleepy. i remember the not so white carnations... the things i do... would have wanted to be in the UP fair tonight, but alas nobody to be with... why is that... can never always have what i want i guess. the best offer i could think of... so childish, unoriginal, lame even... i would have gone anywhere actually, i just wanted to be in the company... i guess i am such a waste of time. did i ask too much you ask me to enter Reading: the intimate adventures of a london call girl - belle de tour Listening to: one - u2 |
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February 15th, 2006
empty darkness POSTED AT 06:49 PM empty darkness... i have never felt such a great void today... i’m at work and i haven’t done anything productive... lunch wasn't much fun, didn't felt like talking much, there wasn't enough reason to move around either. emptiness is rather difficult to deal with as it is, but being left in the dark can make anyone go insane. this sort of punishment would be too much for an hour, i’m trying to survive the whole afternoon. i have been thinking of getting out of work but i don't know where to go. i have never felt so in the dark, fearful and paranoid... its like i’m aware there is something going on but then i am not sure cause i do not know... like a darkness that casts a frightful play of shadow. does not make sense cause it is really irrational thinking... what frightens me would be the truth of it all. i really should not be thinking about it much, that would be like chaining myself to a shade. how do you stay a free spirit... i guess you don't, just leave the door ajar and the lights open and pray the wanderer find their way back. ...full brightness i ought to improve on myself, i thought i was getting more adjusted with the work load, but much still has to be seen. besides there are new personal jobs to keep me busy... and the revenue looks promising... this should put me out of debt with spare to keep me afloat. i should make good. it would rather be difficult to be a self-filling vessel, but that's what i ought to feel, overflowing. that would make sharing or giving easy. i should let my inner self shine, drive the darkness away... i should think with clarity. who am i kidding; these are difficult to do, specially when you are yearning deeply... that would be like juggling molotov cocktails during an earthquake. difficult and suicidal in short. empty darkness... but as of the moment i sulk, here in the shadow of my diminutive self. maybe until i hear a voice in the darkness that surrounds me to lead me out.
Reading: the intimate adventures of a london call girl - belle de tour Listening to: temporary madness - jodie brooke wilson Feeling: lonely |
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February 21st, 2006
of truth and of lies POSTED AT 05:40 PM truth is conditional. there are few things in this world that you want to have often of and yet often enough not take it so well. there is much difference in wanting something from handling it. truth apparently is conditional, if you ask for it; you have to take everything that is with it... the razor sharp packaging, the ticking time bomb within. truth is the most honest danger. you have to take it as it is, as you see it... often times the truth hurts more when you see it as something else... realization are often times painful. truth is vorpal. truth has a quality that is similar to a double-edged sword, and that it cuts both ways. this quality is always made obvious in the most painful way. who ever said that: "the truth will set you free." is wrong; the truth will cut you in half and be left bleeding. truth is a deadly weapon in even the most innocent hands, it will always hit you deep where it will always hurt the most, and even though the wound would heal in time, it will always leave a mark that will remind you... that you know the truth... and though the mortal wound has healed, you will feel that pinch, that phantom pain in your mind... or your heart. nothing cuts deeper... lie is fabrication. lie is never a natural occurrence; nature has never known to lie. it never happens by itself, but is instead created... fabricated, and lie is never without some truth, in fact the most believable lies are those that are much nearer to the truth... it is simply the wrong truth of the matter. an illusion... a lie to become substantiated would have to rely on information put together with a wicked logic to mislead the most reasonable minds. it takes skill and practice to master the fabrication of lie; however, the mastery of it is a lie in itself. mastery of illusion is the mastery of nothing at all. lie is sweet poison. lie has a quality that is similar to sweet poison. normally it is unrecognizable, addicting and even soothing to the soul, but then it slowly eats you up until you cannot live without it or that it numbs you from reality. perhaps a fate worse than death, for in death there is freedom... lie is a self made comfortable prison... self perpetuating... if left uncheck... the longer you stay the harder for you to recover. brutal truth is never the solution for such ailment; it will be like violently ripping you out of the cages... the antidote will work but just as gradual as the poison itself, that is until the bitter truth is discernable. Reading: a game of thrones - grr martin Listening to: my immortal - evanesence Feeling: sleepy |
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February 22nd, 2006
between sleeping and waking POSTED AT 08:47 PM i have to admit i am not the morning person type, i hardly wake up jumping off the bed... i find the slow waking up pace as more relaxing and more relieving than the sleep itself... i kind of savor the lying down the bed and actually doing nothing, the kind of thing one could not do when one is asleep... how could you enjoy sleeping when you are unconscious anyway... i think people who say they enjoy sleeping refers to either enjoying the part going to bed or waking up... either way there are many activities you can insert before and after sleep. i normally read myself to sleep... i have trained myself at least to try and read any good book before sleeping, that is if i am not sleepy yet. this is normally the reason why i read some books too slow... i keep loosing my bookmark dozing off while reading so i end up realizing the time i continue reading that i have read the part over... sometimes over and over... i manage to read through even the most difficult of books... my bedtime book is always different from my daytime book, daytime book are normally the more interesting ones that i just have to read whenever i have the chance, that or i have to be done with the book in a short period of time because i just borrowed it or somebody else will be reading it. i could never sleep in my own bed without having to brush my teeth and washed my feet...if i do, i'd probably wake up in the middle of the night remembering it so i'd go and do them. i always like the feeling of my tongue gliding smoothly over my teeth and my big toe gliding smoothly over my other toes. i have a bad habit of over-sleeping sometimes... specially after days of having little or no sleep at all... there are times when i have slept through half the day... i know it's bad but sometimes if there isn't anybody really bothering me to just wake up, i'd practically hibernate through a day. waking up have always been a struggle for me. i really am not the morning type, i'd be slow and half dazed. i normally stare blankly at the morning news, after that i would do a series of in place stretching and yawning before going out to the john to take a leak or eat breakfast if there are any. then it is a gradual warming up through-out the afternoon... my day peaks at around 3 to 8pm, that will be the most difficult time for me to sleep. i was waiting, just waiting for you. |
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February 28th, 2006
we gripe therefore... POSTED AT 07:48 PM ...we live. sensible people gripe. griping is pretty much just airing out the things that seem to be bothering you,its like you just need to tell someone you are pissed about something... and after blowing your steam off you are ready to go again and that you are better. this is because griping is almost getting angry but the better sense in us tells us that getting absolutely angry about something is just a waste of time and energy, hence we gripe... we gripe therefore we live. i think griping about something is normal, i mean, it is quite common that we dont get the things we want half of the times. i gripe about alot of things, i mean life has never been fair... so i think it is just right that everybody else gripes about life. im sure there is a long list of complaints about life in general... but we live on anyway. it is always good to know what you want, but of course it is even better to know that one normally dont get what they want from time to time. we have friends because we gripe... there are no other better audience to gripe to but with friends, specially friends who gripes about the same thing... this would be a good long topic of conversation, discussion, sharing, analysis over a tall cup of coffee or a big mug of beer; and of course the best of friends are those who would listen to you gripe regardless of the different points of view just because they would like to understand the situation and you. griping to strangers isnt exactly bad, unless maybe perhaps it is a line in a cinema or where, so long as they too probably share the same sentiments but are just quiet about it... that could lead to some beneficial small talk or something more... but simply griping to strangers on any other scenario would be weird. we gripe because... of frustration. being frustrated is being angered on the fact that one is rendered helpless, for one is prevented from achieving what they intend to do. this is the time when you hate yourself for not being able to do anything. just because... Reading: a game of thrones - grr martin Listening to: papercut - linkin park |
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