keeping up with the writing
POSTED AT 10:10 PM

cruboy

i had a weird notion that maybe if i stop writing... life would be different... life is indifferent... it continues on about it's usual routine... work, home, hanging out with friends, being alone, playing ball games, winning, losing, reading a book, watching tv series, seeing a movie, strumming the guitar, sharing secrets, telling corny jokes, missing dinner, attending parties, going out on a date...it is as expected, much to my disappointment... i'd stop writing but things to write about still continues to come through... hate it or love it... it continues to come through... in the end... i am left not writing... and life goes on still.

"at the end of the day, there are some things you just can't help but talk about. some things we just don't want to hear, and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer. some things are more than what you say, they're what you do. some things you say cause there's no other choice. some things you keep to yourself. and not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves." - mgrey

weird notion indeed, that if i stop writing... life would be different... life is indifferent... now i am left trying to recall what had happen... wondering why things happened as it should... and imagining how things could happen my way... or whoever's way... the right way or the wrong way... but whatever which way, it happened and i regret not being able to write about it... i guess i have been struggling to understand the reasons behind events more than struggling to write about it... it is harder to write something we do not understand at all... and i am rather tired of writing about how perplexed i am of life... my life.  i miss the time when i would just write... no purpose, no meaning... just how i feel...

i have anaesthetized my writing... *i wonder since when*... i have gone afraid of inflicting and receiving pain that i have desensitized my life to the point of not writing... not living... boring. or maybe because i care and give a damn to trivial things and silly things... that matters to me. sometimes i forget the reason why i write, or whom i write for... there should be no deadline, there should be no pressure, there should be no agenda.  

"we're adults. when did that happen? and how do we make it stop?" - mgrey

i had a weird notion that maybe if i stop writing... life would stop with it. almost two decades of bad habit stopped in an instant... what was i thinking... maybe i needed a break... to introspect and soul search... weird notion indeed, that if i stop writing... life would stop with it.  selfish indeed, i have realized... childish even...

life goes on as always... and now i'm having a hard time keeping up with the writing.

Reading: nothing!?
Listening to: how to save a life - the fray
Watching: heroes season 1
Feeling: busy

the modern perseus and heracles
POSTED AT 07:59 PM

cruboy

everyone needs saving...

"...of divine ancestry, who is endowed with great courage and strength, celebrated for his or her  bold exploits, and favored by the gods."

gone are the days of perseus and heracles... from slaying gorgons and sea monster to  accomplishing twelve arduous tasks...slaying invulnerable lions and venomous hydras, hunting cerynitian hind with a single arrow, taming erymathian boars, cleaning augean stables in a day,  shooting down stymphalian birds, overpowering the cretan bull, transporting diomedes' mares, stealing hyppolite's belt, herding the cattle of geryon, stealing the apples of hesperides and capturing cerberus... and like of old days... our age is the time when heroes are needed... needed still.

"a hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer." - rwemerson

the modern age have no need of the likes of perseus and heracles... extra-ordinary people are drowned by the multitude of individuality, and the availability of technology have made men at equal footing with one another. heck, gender equality have made men and women at equal footing as well ... that being the case, everyone can be perseus and heracles... and like heroes of ancient  mythology, still as selfish, vainglorious, sometimes with anti-social tendencies... fallible.

everyone needs saving... from something... mortal danger or not... and even though the lore masters of yester years have stop glorifying the exploits of demi gods and ancient heroes... it would not be wrong for common folk like me to talk about common deeds and exploits of not so common friends and people.

a little band-aid on a punctured hand, a lent hundred bucks to get home, staying a bit longer to be a company to an overnight work, to fixing up a power point presentation, listening to friends of their problems and giving advices, jamming out with pianos and guitars on a lazy sunday, reading blogs and writing comments, calling up on old friends and just finding out how everything is doing in the other side of the world, visiting an old relative to drop off a gift, reminding somebody that lunch is there, treating peers on a round of fish balls, helping a player get home after spraining a foot.

"i don't like people who have never fallen or stumbled.  their virtue is lifeless and it is not of much value. life hasn't revealed its beauty to them." - bpasternak

everyone needs saving... ironically even heroes do need saving from time to time... even from the common folk. though i have dubbed myself a demi god of herculean task... it seems that i too would falter and be overwhelmed with chores and work and favors and responsibilities... and with the yuletide season coming... working harder would be the prevailing theme, beating deadlines are the norms... everyone needs saving...

the struggling hero, ordinary folk... flawed and imperfect... of mortal ancestry... his simple exploits are done even with wavering courage and mustered strength, and damned by the gods.

 

 

Reading: still nothing!
Listening to: pink life - gyskard
Watching: heroes season 1
Feeling: working

sure worry
POSTED AT 08:15 PM

cruboy

the office just got a foosball table... how cool is that?

off to planet basketball tonight... i am wondering if i could have another unbelievable game night like last week... i'm happy just to play anyway... long weekend it seems for everybody... but i think i have to consider going to work tomorrow to catch up on things...  and then i have to think about getting something for my cousin's wedding on saturday or worry about the coming typhoon.

"we are more disturbed by a calamity which threatens us than by one which has befallen us."  -jlspalding

i don't want to be a worrywart but i guess worrying is natural... just as natural as mistrust, or lack of faith, or being not knowledgeable or too knowledgeable... i guess worries are born out of these... mistrust of others, the lack of faith to one's self... the fear of the unknown or the worst of them all... paranoia of an overly imaginative mind. 

i am however by nature an optimist... but i do tend to worry sometimes, not to the point of  panic though. sure, i may have an overly imaginative mind... but i worry only on things i  have no direct control of, the variables in the equations, the forces behind.  it would be  really troublesome to leave your fate on the hands of a stranger... i guess that's when  mistrust comes in... this makes me to conclude that worry is all of that i have mentioned  it to be. worry is as natural as griping... a quality it seems that makes one human.

"no human thing is of serious importance." -plato

at any rate, what am i really worried about the weekend for? or the week after that?  things do tend to sort themselves out anyway even if i simply just worry... worry, sure its natural, i just should not make it into a pastime. 

 

Reading: and still nothing!
Listening to: falls on me - fuel
Watching: heroes season 1
Feeling: buzzingly busy