Entries for February, 2007
February 3rd, 2007
just a little longer POSTED AT 12:48 AM sadness, despair, i have a friend who shared a tragic news recenlty, a cousin of hers committed suicide one morning... just like her brother years back, it seems to have come back to haunt their family... i could not even imagine the loss a mother would feel after losing a son, so young at twenty two and still full of promises, dreams... she was being strong hiding behind her smiles talking about it... but i could feel the sadness, to have lost a cousin, to have lost a brother. when it comes to such matter i am left in confusion, mixed emotions in some ways, the idea is somehow foreign to me... i feel pity and admiration, sadness and triumph all blended in. religion and morality aside, there are people who comes into terms with life and those who comes into terms with death. there are many reasons to make the choice, but there are only two choices, and we can only pick one or the other. for a person such us i, who have embraced life and all its aspect, the other choice would appear cowardly or weak... but then i come to thinking... i could be wrong... "they tell us that suicide is the greatest piece of cowardice... that suicide is wrong; when it is quite obvious that there is nothing in the world to which every man has a more unassailable title than to his own life and person." -aschopenhauer we pity, and feel sorry for the loss... i would think that would be the usual reaction... we feel pity and sorry because they have lost all hope, but have they really? given up and surrendered. isn't there any better example of self determinism and courage? facing death and challenging fate... blasphemous and sacrilegious... defying life that is full of sham and drudgery, and breaking free from it. do we have the courage to do so... to throw back something wonderful given to us free. no action can be bolder. "to look life in the face, and know it for what it is." - vwoolf there is no shame to be weak or to be a coward, to take everything what life throws at us; good or bad... grovelling, on our knees and picking up all the small pieces. even when it is painful and demeaning. it is not embarrassing or pathetic to fall time and again to fates humor. that was their choice. and this, this is ours, we ought to live by our choice. we ought to live...even just a little longer.
Reading: structures or why things fall down - jegordon Listening to: meant to live - switchfoot Watching: grey's anatomy season 3 Feeling: sad 6 thought(s) that matters...
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February 13th, 2007
love actually POSTED AT 07:30 PM
surprising as it may sounds, nothing can be more true i think. love indeed is all around... specially now that it is the eve of valentines day... nothing can be more evident. i do not mind it really, even if i would not be spending valentines day with anyone particularly special... or maybe i do... anyone is particularly special. "often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends." i am not bitter nor envious nor sad; in fact, i find it more comforting that love is in the air. the world does look better this way, maybe a little silly or corny but still better. it somehow feel more safe and sane... but then love is irrational... so maybe i went too far to say the world is sane when love actually is just plain crazy... but crazy as it is, the song is right, it is perhaps the only thing the world needs now. "when the planes hit the twin towers, as far as i know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love." however, do i need it? yes, most definitely, but maybe not the sort of insane . after all the things i have been through or made loved ones go through, it is better that i find myself again first, the self that would be much giving and receiving. and though i had my shares of sweet falling, and of gently breaking, and of unrequited, and of blind, and of distant, and of circumstantial, and of chance, and of the surreal, and of passionate..., i am still left looking for something... or perhaps everything, and with such reality... as it is, as i see... i am hopeful. "and if you look for it, i've got a sneaking suspicion that love actually is all around."
Reading: structures or why things fall down - jegordon Listening to: all you need is love - lynden david hall Watching: grey's anatomy season 3 Feeling: comfy |
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"whenever i get gloomy with the state of the world, i think of the arrivals gate at heathrow airport. general opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but i don't see that. it seems to me that love is everywhere."February 26th, 2007
something about music POSTED AT 11:46 AM as a kid i excelled in rudimentary fine arts, i was using technical pens by eight, inking comic books for my cousin... colors came easy as well, i knew how to get colors out of the primary colors long before i knew the color wheel and what it meant... my life was colorful but was silent until i became curious about the piano... "without music life would be a mistake." -whnietzsche it has been that which have inspired me to learn about music... when i was a kid i used to envy my neighborhood kids who had to endure an afternoon of excruciating piano lesson from a really mean old maid. it was a stretch of two story apartment buildings in what used to be the mandaluyong municipal near san felipe neri church. i never considered myself lucky to not under go those lessons... the truth was i envied them. i never got close to that piano, i remembered how much i wanted to try... but the old lady kept me out. i could do nothing but wait for my friends outside listening to them trying to play bach or mozart. i knew then that i could never ask for a piano from my parents, it was a struggle enough to keep me in private school... besides i was still happy with my pens and crayons. by high school though, i was determined to have music a try. i joined the music club... with out any musical background what so ever i thought i at least try, besides most of my friends then were joining. i was a mediocre in the group, i absolutely had no talent and once i was thought to have been tone deaf. i always admired how darwin played the saxophone, tristan play the flute or how luke play any instrument with ease... but luke was a mean piano player as well, and even if he had the foulest mouth for a friend (he never really could not start or end a sentence without cussing). he had the sweetest sounding fingers that ever glided the piano keys. he could widow any music; change it to any style. i remember that one time the lecture hall of the school was left open and the piano was there, luke, joma and i sneaked in... joma and i just listened to luke play the piano. eventually i too improved somehow... graduation was the last performance i ever did in the name of music. "music is love in search of a word." -slanier by college i had completely different interests. i almost forgot about music until that time when i got to know lucy. she was a upis prodigy, oblation scholar, and was born and raised by a family of musicians of academic excellence. before i thought luke was talented, lucy on the other hand was a master... it was funny to have met her in arki... when she played a chapel on an electronic keyboard in the college lobby* i was stricken, i was again infatuated with music. because of her i learned of liszt and chopin; learned how to play a real piece... and summer of that year, she had to transfer to the college where she truly belongs. after two years we would meet again. she invited me to her recitals, as part of her final year... she was brilliant, graduating suma cum laude. i still had a year of thesis to go. now and then music comes and goes, but i am happy that i had my time with music, learning, playing, loving and falling over it... i would have been fascinated with the piano still, until somebody gave me a guitar for my birthday.
*prof. espina, who was one of the lobby audience, said that when he would become dean he would have a paino for the lobby... true to his word four years later when he became dean, the college lobby had a piano. waiting for the likes of lucy to grace the college with real music again. Reading: pd 957 Listening to: sundial dreams - kevin kern Watching: heroes season 1 Feeling: nostalgic |
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