Entries for March, 2007
March 6th, 2007
hurt actually POSTED AT 11:11 AM it seems there have been an epidemic of break-ups in the last few weeks of february and now going to march... just when i have written then that love is actually all around... it seems that hurt too is all around. i guess the two is somehow inseparable. i guess falling in love is only good until you finally hit the floor... and the sad truth is... no one can just keep falling... we will hit the floor eventually. hurt is inevitable. pain is inevitable. "pain is inevitable. suffering is optional." - mkcasey i do not want to sound bitter, for i like love and the idea of falling... and i do not deny that it is also painful and it hurts when it ends. but hurting is in some way the start of healing... pain is a natural reaction of the body when it is injured. it sends nerve signal to the brain which then would release different chemicals so that the body can deal with the injury. being hurt makes us introspect and hopefully makes us realize how we can be happy again. we can never be always hurtful... for if we do, we suffer the risk of being bitter... that is harder to deal with. "maybe we like the pain. maybe we're wired that way. because without it, i don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. what's that saying? why do i keep hitting myself with a hammer? because it feels so good when i stop." - mgrey when we hurt specially after a failed relationship, we seek to be better persons. the pain will eventually subside and we might be afraid to take the fall again... which is but natural, but then this same hurt will be the driving thing that will make us catch someone when they do fall. we will be cautious but we will also be caring.
Reading: pd 957 Listening to: miserere - the choir boys Watching: grey's anatomy season 3 Feeling: worried 6 thought(s) that matters...
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March 8th, 2007
the gossip according to POSTED AT 09:26 PM news is news... sensationalized or straight forward, good or bad... boring or surprising... news is news. one has to take it no matter what, no matter how... take it and accept it... for the only quality that makes news news is that it has happened. if it did not then it is nothing but speculation. so when somebody breaks news to anyone, one has simply to feel intrigued, bored, surprised, happy or sad... you cannot deny something that has happened, you can only verify the story or sadly shoot the messenger. rumor really is never good... and it is never good because it is never fair. people get labelled, categorized, accused and persecuted with out due process or representation. people subjects of rumors are truly victims in every sense... innocent victims at that. rumors normally appear like any other news... except for one fact... it is not fact. to be persecuted with lies is absolutely tragic. we have all been victims of rumors and gossips at some point in time. "gossip needn't be false to be evil - there's a lot of truth that shouldn't be passed around." -faclark people are interested in people. we can not help people from talking about us in our workplaces or where ever for that matter. it is not bad to talk about people and their affairs or business so long as it is objective and truthful. well, maybe we can share an opinion or two. and though we are entitled to our own opinion, it is never wise to talk falsely about other people. "a rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way." -jtudor most often people find gossip to be harmless especially when we talk among close groups, but sad to say; walls do have ears and words do get around. sooner or later those things will get to the people we talk about. i guess it is but natural sometimes to fabricate truth when truth is inaccessible. they want to be in the know and sometimes they want to show that they are in the know and sometimes they think they have everything figured out, so they talk.
Reading: pd 957 Listening to: sugar we're going down - fall out boys Watching: heroes season 1 episode 17 Feeling: cranky |
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March 20th, 2007
gone so sudden POSTED AT 05:48 PM i had a good friend who had an accident this morning. it was unfortunate that he did not come out of it alive. he was brought to the hospital but with the injuries he sustained, nothing more could have been done... a life suddenly gone. a hi-ace full of sleepy passenger heading for balagtas bulacan was speeding fast, early morning 4am. everyone heading home. in a blink of a weary eye. the van crumples into a trucks tail end. a phone call woke me up, an unusual call from a common friend to tell me the news. slept late and having a hard time sleeping, it took a while for me to understand what he was saying. patrick was in the hospital, phet's was calmly saying he is being taken cared of but his voice was morose... i had an ominous feeling. then another phone call confirming everything, i decided to meet up with friends and officemates to go visit... being hopeful everything would be alright. however, before we even got to the hospital, phet called again and said that patrick was gone. there was no chance of seeing him or to talk to him: families only in the emergency room. all we could do was wait in grief and disbelief. nothing more could have been done... a life suddenly gone. that night in the office we played our usual foosball skirmish, said our goodbyes the usual way we normally do... "inggat 'tol." it is a sad realization that it would be the last few words we would say to each other. i have known patrick since college and we have become best of friends, brothers of different parents... sharing fun and helping each other in times of trouble. he was a basketball teammate, sparring partner in boxing, matching opponent in card games and a co-champion in office foosball. a good person through and through... nothing more could have been said... a life suddenly gone. i feel angry being helpless really, it is just so difficult to accept that someone close in your life is gone... you cannot even fight for it or reason or bargain or beg for it. rio would have introduced patrick to her parents today: that would have been their plan for today... not to go to work and meet the parents. he was very much in love and happy... it was crushing to see rio crying when we got to the hospital... nothing more could have been missed... a life suddenly gone. no one is to blame, it was a tragic twist of fate, the kind that is hard to take... nothing more could have been done. a life suddenly gone. trick, you will be missed.
i bind unto myself today i bind unto myself today by whom all nature hath creation,
Listening to: he ain't heavy, he is my brother - the choirboys Feeling: sad |
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March 26th, 2007
certain urgency POSTED AT 08:01 PM last week was depressingly surreal... and between all the anger and denial, i was pondering about my own mortality. with all the seemingly random act of fate and judgment, without warning or notice, it pushes me to certain urgency. "it is in his pleasure that a man really lives; it is from his leisure that he constructs the true fabric of self." - arepplier i had a hard time going to work the following days after the accident... every time i would go to work i end up walking around the mall... and when i do get to work, which is late in the afternoon, i could not think much at all... going home from the wake late night or early morning did not help either, i was hoping exhaustion would drive me to a fitful sleep... but then all i could do is think... tossing and turning on my bed... thinking... about this certain urgency. i had crazy notions of buying stuff i wanted to have, of going to far away places i wanted to go, of doing crazy stuff i wanted to do... yet i feel afraid... to entertain this certain urgency to be alive and be frivolous. there are only three choices when it comes to mortality, deny it, surrender to it or fight. Reading: nothing! Listening to: cannonball - damien rice Feeling: calm |
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March 30th, 2007
life's worth POSTED AT 12:14 AM i have always shrugged off often offers by credit card compamies and other financing agencies insurances for various things like losing job, accident, death, hospitalization, debts, health and disability... and though i am covered by the company some insurance for most if not all of the following circumstances, i am beginning to realize maybe that it is prudent to have certain redundancy especially when it comes to benefits such as these. i just don't like the idea of anticipating for the worst... it is like putting a price tag for it.... but then how much is a person worth... "not everything that can be counted counts and not everything that counts can be counted." - aeinstein if i were to break down an average human body into its chemical components, i would get mostly water (74.4%) and traces of organic elements like carbon (18.5%), nitrogen(3.2%), calcium (1.5%), phosphorus (1.0%) potassium (0.4%) sulfur (0.3%) sodium (0.2%) chlorine (0.2%) magnesium (0.1%), iodine (0.1%) iron (0.1%) and traces of chromium, cobalt, copper, fluorine, manganese, molybdenum, selenium, tin, vanadium, zinc. hardly any precious metal in them. if i where to put the cost per weight of all these, i do not think it would worth much. during the dark ages, lives would probably cost just as much... if we were to compare all these organic component to its equal value in weight of gold... as few pieces of silver. but today, lives are worth more than just what it. its value are based on what it could be and what it could do... insurance companies and other financing agency can calculate your potential income, your worth in the company, projected growth and value considering all the intangibles. with actuary science (using mathematics, statistics and financial theories) they are able to assess and extrapolate future business growth and financial behaviors with impressive accuracy. "what difference does it make how much you have? what you do not have amounts to much more." - seneca thinking about it today, insurance policies do seem to increase one's value in many ways, but then there are always these premiums to consider and potential returns... the best deal one could get are the kinds of policies that eventually mature or are converted to some other benefits... like life insurance that becomes pension plans and many other schemes. going back to the question, how much is a person worth? in the atomic age, it was quantified that the atoms in the body of an average person contain a potential energy of more than 39600 lightning bolts (billions of joules) per pound, making most of us worth something like 4.25 trillion pesos per head. it seems we are worth as much as what we could do and achieve... priceless. Reading: none still... Listening to: 9 crimes - lisa hannigan and damien rice Watching: grey's anatomy season 3 Feeling: working |
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