thoughts to be
POSTED AT 08:32 PM

cruboy

"stung by the splendour of a sudden thought." - rbrowning

i honestly did wish that i would never have problem with money... its not that i have a problem right now... its just sometimes i wish i just never will have to worry about it.  i imagined it would be great to live in excess... splendour galore... i would love to host parties for my friends for the most absurd reasons, give expensive gifts because i could and jet set to any place around the world to avoid bad weather. but i suppose everybody have the same idea of spending excess wealth... or maybe not... i ought to be charitable to others.

maybe i am fortunate that i am not born wealthy or my family not having a legacy... that or maybe the world is fortunate that i am not so... i guess it is good how the way things are... but should i settle for this... i really should not... would absolute wealth corrupt absolutely as absolute power do?  i think i am centered well enough, i have some certain amount of conviction and compassion.  or maybe not... i ought to be trustful of myself.

sometimes i wish i knew the future sometimes, maybe just to see the glimpse of what lies ahead... like if there is some meaning to all the work i have been putting in to... i wish i could see a huge bottom figure, but i guess that wont happen, i hope not ever. i have been diligently saving up for the rainy days maybe too much to last me a noah's deluge... then again maybe not... i don’t want to tease fate.  i am wired to be a spend thrift... i suppose i can't enjoy the money i earn too much... it sounds silly but i hate that it might be true. then again, i guess i will never know until i do so... should i start now?  i ought to be courageous and take chances.

work have been overwhelming lately... i find a little break as much as i could in between and take advantage of it... down time, relaxation, recreation and rest... i find it all fleeting lately.  i wish work was fleeting... but then maybe work would be more sought after if it were the other way around... i would not want that. i ought to take time off like i mean to.

"i have no riches but my thoughts. yet these are wealth enough for me." -steasdale

Reading: twilight by stephanie meyer
Listening to: the umbrellas of shibuya - the pearlfishers
Watching: gossip girl season 2
Feeling: acidic

the unhappy feet
POSTED AT 10:25 PM

cruboy

i always knew i was never born a dancer. i am inflexible and my feet and hand coordination is not wired properly... but i like dancing... its just that dancing never liked me back.  i remember in college where i had to enrol on social dancing for the soul purpose of meeting girls back then... male in social dancing is a prime commodity... the male female ratio is so imbalance girls would have to take turn to dance with you...  now if that only happens in high school dances, i would have busted my groove.  but of course that was physical education.

"if you dance, you dance because you have to." - kdunham

my exploit of this renewed passion into making myself a dancing de marco was heightened when i had to join this college swing dancing event... all because of a girl, with a dancing partner as good looking as she was... i was ready to transplant one of my two left feet for a proper right... i practiced with her solemnly for three straight weeks... i have transformed myself into a travolta of swing and jive... until i had food poisoning two days before the competition... looking back at it, it might have probably been the nerves... anyway one of girls came down with something, so my partner was able to dance that night... i had my chance i guess but i blew it. sigh.

of course i cannot be denied of this college experience of dancing like a fool in front of an audience, so my last chance was the junior christmas party... i joined a street dancing group to perform... with the fugees in the background i manage to decently end probably the most complex choreography i have ever learned... thanks to tubay, linzi and yannie's dancing expertise... and it has since been a one-time thing. 

i suppose my happy feet are not that as happy as it used to... i guess all the weight i have gained since have dampened my limberness.  but i still try to occasionally shuffle my feet.  there is freedom in being able to move because you can... in rhythm, in count, in perfect instance... i always thought that dancing isthe best way to express happiness... i find it weird to break into a song because you are happy... and the 
deep breathing and the panting after a hearty dance is a strong reminder of being alive... because you can feel your breathe going in and out...

i have been a frustrated with a lot of things... i guess dancing is one of them too... maybe given a chance... or in dire mortal danger... i might still be able to dance to save my life... or die trying.

"no sane man will dance." - lbyron

...to save his life that is.

Reading: new moon by stephenie meyer
Listening to: the gossip - standing in the way of control
Watching: skins season 2
Feeling: bouncy