February 20th, 2009
disasters and extinctions POSTED AT 06:47 PM i guess the prospect of a dissatisfied client is definitely alarming... wait... a big client is most definitely alarming... i can hear the air raid sirens going in my head. so how do you stop a disaster that is about to happen... can i possibly sandbag myself to safety against an approaching tsunami, or sleep sound fully in a penthouse of a high rise building in an impending earthquake, or forcibly hold myself down with straws in an on going tornado... i do not think i can... i can only hope to survive to tell the tale of it at all. "perhaps catastrophe is the natural human environment, and even though we spend a good deal of energy trying to get away from it, we are programmed for survival amid catastrophe." - ggreer i guess like with all disaster, something that may or may not happen which often does happen, one can only be prepared for the worst of it and eventually live out the consequences after. i suppose humans are quite remarkable to be able to survive through disaster after disaster... i mean, we are still here (that or the worse is yet to come). somehow, the human race has a way to adapt, cope and work around disasters. i wonder if this resilience can be applied to my situation... maybe not... i suppose this disaster is the mother of it all... extinction level event. i guess it is a sign of an end of an age... i guess in the field of work, i have become to be somewhat like a dinosaur on the end of an evolution. a species so ancient, out of date that nature has condemned to be fossilized and turned into petroleum for a new set of species. have i become an old dog that can not learn new tricks, have i dulled my sharp thoughts... are my quills i think i am losing the power to conjure something new, radical, current... i have somehow antiquated myself, i have gathered dust and cobwebs, left corroding and fading. disaster indeed. i have only a few days to evolve into a new specie what nature have done in measure of epochs and eras to survive this impending disaster... Reading: through a glass, darkly - Listening to: fall for you - secondhand serenade Watching: house season five Feeling: aggravated 1 thought(s) that matters...
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February 2nd, 2009
the meaning of it all POSTED AT 06:33 PM a late post "being is. being is in-itself. being is what it is." - jpsartre man. this month has been a blur... it's a full throttle race... going in circles with no finish line...life is a blur. i need to do some full stop and refuel before i crash or burn out... one of which is bound to happen. there are so many other things i want to do but there's always something other pressing matter that comes along which does not really concern me some to think of it really. well, not directly anyway... or anyway, tomorrow i will be out of the office to search for the meaning of life... that was the reason i put in my vacation leave, anyway... i find it absurd that the form had to ask the reason for a vacation leave... is it not that obvious... anyway i was obligated to write a more profound reason to file a vacation leave other than taking a vacation... sheesh. what better quest to write down other than to find the meaning of to find the meaning of life... maybe that was too profound... i do not think a trip to subic would answer that... or maybe it would... i do not know... besides i have been harassed by work to even be excited to go... ok maybe i'm excited a little bit, i just don't want to expect too much i guess... in fact, what is there to expect about the meaning of life... it could just be a deep inner voice inside my head saying "carpe diem”, some other movie cliché..., or some wonderful scenery with a rainbow straight from a post card of some exotic jungle that i never been to... or some charitable work in the most miserable slum feeding the starving... it could be some weird blissful state of high which i have already experienced and not recognized. what would i say if my boss asks what i find to be the meaning of life? i would have to answer: "well, it is a process, really. i'd probably need a few more days interspersed through the year to get a clear picture of what the meaning of life is." i could imagine his thick brows joining in annoyance... thinking about it: what is the meaning of life? is the wrong question to ask... logically it makes no sense. life has no meaning on its own if not taken into context of a person and the totality of being derived from different aspects put together; like friends, family, achievements, failures, aspirations and so on. living gives life meaning. "the search is what anyone would undertake if he were not sunk in the everydayness of his own life. to become aware of the possibility of the search is to be onto something. not to be onto something is to be in despair." - wpercy he would probably think this was a waste of time, that those two days would not be enough for me to know the meaning of life anyway. he will not believe this, but in that brief moment of taking time to find the meaning of it all is the meaning after all... Reading: the griffin and sabine trilogy Listening to: eels - god damn right it's a beautiful day Watching: skins season 3 Feeling: calm |
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December 3rd, 2008
the shoe theory POSTED AT 06:44 PM "to each foot its own shoe." - mede montaigne i guess there have been theories about shoes... shoe sizes in particular... im not quite sure what it was about or how it actually works but i have one particular that is based on my personal experience... i find it rather weird that every morning when i use the length of commonwealth avenue going to work in the morning i find a shoe on the road... old and beaten up, new and clean, sporty, formal, out door type... with or with out socks... and i find one too often that i made me develop a theory... that i, no matter what day, going through that short part of the avenue and looking hard enough, will find a shoe in the middle of the road or near the curb. it has yet to be proven wrong... it normally helps if i actively look, but it sometimes happen by accident as well... and time and again it has always made me smile... so no matter how serious and deep in thoughts i am, i would just beam... and chuckle within... in fact i have begun to start to believe that the day would turn out great if i happen to see a shoe on the road. and i thought maybe i could wish for something just like what we do with the first brightest star we see or with a falling star at night... so if you want to make a wish in the morning... go look for a shoe on the road. "in these times you have to be an optimist to open your eyes in the morning." - csandburg i guess it is natural to be pinning hopes and aspiration on something out of the ordinary and even bordering on the absurd. people in general are optimist... (and i don’t think anybody can actually argue this point... because if there were pessimist people... like the hardcore pessimist type... they would have been too miserable and would have killed themselves eventually... i always thought that it is not misery but absolute hopelessness that leads to suicide... anyway i digress) we in general endure, survive, adapt and are determined to live... this is because we believe that there will always be something good in the end. besides i think it is just funny to think that somewhere in the stretches of commonwealth avenue there is somebody hopping on one leg desperately looking for his other shoe. Reading: new moon by stephenie meyer Listening to: gnarls barkley - crazy Watching: skins season 2 Feeling: groggy |
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November 27th, 2008
the unhappy feet POSTED AT 10:25 PM i always knew i was never born a dancer. i am inflexible and my feet and hand coordination is not wired properly... but i like dancing... its just that dancing never liked me back. i remember in college where i had to enrol on social dancing for the soul purpose of meeting girls back then... male in social dancing is a prime commodity... the male female ratio is so imbalance girls would have to take turn to dance with you... now if that only happens in high school dances, i would have busted my groove. but of course that was physical education. "if you dance, you dance because you have to." - kdunham my exploit of this renewed passion into making myself a dancing de marco was heightened when i had to join this college swing dancing event... all because of a girl, with a dancing partner as good looking as she was... i was ready to transplant one of my two left feet for a proper right... i practiced with her solemnly for three straight weeks... i have transformed myself into a travolta of swing and jive... until i had food poisoning two days before the competition... looking back at it, it might have probably been the nerves... anyway one of girls came down with something, so my partner was able to dance that night... i had my chance i guess but i blew it. sigh. of course i cannot be denied of this college experience of dancing like a fool in front of an audience, so my last chance was the junior christmas party... i joined a street dancing group to perform... with the fugees in the background i manage to decently end probably the most complex choreography i have ever learned... thanks to tubay, linzi and yannie's dancing expertise... and it has since been a one-time thing. i suppose my happy feet are not that as happy as it used to... i guess all the weight i have gained since have dampened my limberness. but i still try to occasionally shuffle my feet. there is freedom in being able to move because you can... in rhythm, in count, in perfect instance... i always thought that dancing isthe best way to express happiness... i find it weird to break into a song because you are happy... and the i have been a frustrated with a lot of things... i guess dancing is one of them too... maybe given a chance... or in dire mortal danger... i might still be able to dance to save my life... or die trying. "no sane man will dance." - lbyron ...to save his life that is. Reading: new moon by stephenie meyer Listening to: the gossip - standing in the way of control Watching: skins season 2 Feeling: bouncy |
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November 4th, 2008
thoughts to be POSTED AT 08:32 PM "stung by the splendour of a sudden thought." - rbrowning i honestly did wish that i would never have problem with money... its not that i have a problem right now... its just sometimes i wish i just never will have to worry about it. i imagined it would be great to live in excess... splendour galore... i would love to host parties for my friends for the most absurd reasons, give expensive gifts because i could and jet set to any place around the world to avoid bad weather. but i suppose everybody have the same idea of spending excess wealth... or maybe not... i ought to be charitable to others. maybe i am fortunate that i am not born wealthy or my family not having a legacy... that or maybe the world is fortunate that i am not so... i guess it is good how the way things are... but should i settle for this... i really should not... would absolute wealth corrupt absolutely as absolute power do? i think i am centered well enough, i have some certain amount of conviction and compassion. or maybe not... i ought to be trustful of myself. sometimes i wish i knew the future sometimes, maybe just to see the glimpse of what lies ahead... like if there is some meaning to all the work i have been putting in to... i wish i could see a huge bottom figure, but i guess that wont happen, i hope not ever. i have been diligently saving up for the rainy days maybe too much to last me a noah's deluge... then again maybe not... i don’t want to tease fate. i am wired to be a spend thrift... i suppose i can't enjoy the money i earn too much... it sounds silly but i hate that it might be true. then again, i guess i will never know until i do so... should i start now? i ought to be courageous and take chances. work have been overwhelming lately... i find a little break as much as i could in between and take advantage of it... down time, relaxation, recreation and rest... i find it all fleeting lately. i wish work was fleeting... but then maybe work would be more sought after if it were the other way around... i would not want that. i ought to take time off like i mean to. "i have no riches but my thoughts. yet these are wealth enough for me." -steasdale
Reading: twilight by stephanie meyer Listening to: the umbrellas of shibuya - the pearlfishers Watching: gossip girl season 2 Feeling: acidic |
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